I thought it seemed familiar, so I scanned the last three pages looking for it in vain before deciding to use it. I like the idea of one per one so we can all start afresh daily and I suggest that the originators of word games, starting with those that are either overused or underused, should restart them, adding the one per one rule and requesting that the older version should be, in effect, locked.

Close Enough For Government

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best.
"My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."

"My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."

"I've got you both beat. My dad's so good because he works for the city. He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30."

Giving sad news to a troop

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"

not in this one

Oxygen is known to be dangerous and immediately life threatening in high concentrations. It has been established by the government that there is no actual safe lower limit of oxygen exposure. Inspiration is know cause of oxygen exposure and it is the company’s responsibility to protect it’s employees from unnecessary exposure to toxic substances. As a result, inspiration is no longer permitted.
Carbon dioxide is known greenhouse gas and expiration is a proven source of CO2. Indeed 5% of every expired breath is CO2. The company is required to by government to reduce ‘Greenhouse Gas’ emissions by 20% by 2010 and as a result, expiration of CO2 is no longer permitted.
Pathogens: Inspiration is an established cause of infection of the upper respiratory tract by known pathogens. Upper Respiratory Tract Infections are known to cause loss of work performance and even extended sick leave in the case ‘Near Terminal Male Flu’. Employees believed to have been breathing in the presence of such pathogens will be considered to have self inflicted their disease state and will no longer be eligible for sick pay.
Life. Life is a known cause of death with a near 100% mortality rate. The company has a legal obligation to protect it’s employees from risk of death, therefore Life is no longer permitted.

Twas Christmas two thousand, and in the White House,
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.

Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed,
Dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed,
Had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.

When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
All drunken and rowdy: 'twas Newt and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
It's a raid boys! he cried, Quick go hide my stash!

The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow,
Gave a psychedelic haze to the the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear,
But a slew of Republicans and a keg of beer.

With a big House leader, all lively and fat:
He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT!
A viscous as vipers, the Republicans came.
And Bill recognized them and called them by name.

Hey Helms, hey Thurmond! hey Packwood and Hatch!
Hey Dole and Pataki, it's time for a bash!
A collective cheer rose out from the crowd,
Let's listen to Nugent, and turn it up loud!

Together Dems and Republicans danced and sang out in cheer.
Screw health care and Haiti, it's time to drink beer!
When from the chimney, came a big black cloud of soot,
As Limbaugh danced from the fireplace in a red Santa suit.

He moved through the crowd, then held up his hand.
And when all was silent, he did a keg stand.
And the crowd raised their cups, as Newt bowed down it prayer,
And champagne flowed freely, just like welfare.

As Kennedy and Reno romped in the Green Room,
The rest of the crooks outlined their plan of doom.
We'll pray in the schools, shove it down their throats!
More welfare, more taxes, we'll still get the votes!

And they drank, hugged and danced, and they crossed party lines.
They cheered, It doesn't matter, we're all bastard swines!
So they threw out allegiance and partisan crap.
And they took turns sitting on the President's lap.

And Gephardt and Dole passed out on the lawn,
And awoke in the morning without their pants on.
And Packwood gave Tipper a pat on the rear,
While Judge Thomas and Miss Hill went out for more beer.

Then the party-ers discovered a sight so touching and cute,
President Clinton fast asleep, snuggled up to Newt.
Santa Limbaugh smiled and threw up on his boots,
A merry Clinton to all, and to a good Newt!