Dog Rules


1. The dog is not allowed in the house.

2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.

4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.

5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.

7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.

8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only

9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.

10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

I thought it seemed familiar, so I scanned the last three pages looking for it in vain before deciding to use it. I like the idea of one per one so we can all start afresh daily and I suggest that the originators of word games, starting with those that are either overused or underused, should restart them, adding the one per one rule and requesting that the older version should be, in effect, locked.

Close Enough For Government

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best.
"My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."

"My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."

"I've got you both beat. My dad's so good because he works for the city. He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30."

Giving sad news to a troop

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"

not in this one

Oxygen is known to be dangerous and immediately life threatening in high concentrations. It has been established by the government that there is no actual safe lower limit of oxygen exposure. Inspiration is know cause of oxygen exposure and it is the company’s responsibility to protect it’s employees from unnecessary exposure to toxic substances. As a result, inspiration is no longer permitted.
Carbon dioxide is known greenhouse gas and expiration is a proven source of CO2. Indeed 5% of every expired breath is CO2. The company is required to by government to reduce ‘Greenhouse Gas’ emissions by 20% by 2010 and as a result, expiration of CO2 is no longer permitted.
Pathogens: Inspiration is an established cause of infection of the upper respiratory tract by known pathogens. Upper Respiratory Tract Infections are known to cause loss of work performance and even extended sick leave in the case ‘Near Terminal Male Flu’. Employees believed to have been breathing in the presence of such pathogens will be considered to have self inflicted their disease state and will no longer be eligible for sick pay.
Life. Life is a known cause of death with a near 100% mortality rate. The company has a legal obligation to protect it’s employees from risk of death, therefore Life is no longer permitted.