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World Community Grid Forums
Category: Community
Forum: Chat Room
Thread: The Jokes Thread |
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Thread Status: Active Total posts in this thread: 1237
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves. The lad asked, "What is this, father?" The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls. The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out. The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."  |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
A Stoke primary school teacher asked her pupils to use the word "Facinate" in a sentence. Molly said "My family went to my Grandparents farm and I saw the new lambs and it was facinating" The teacher said "That was good but I was looking for "facinate" Sally raised her hand and said "My family went to Alton Towers and I was facinated" "I still have not been given facinate"said the teacher. Little Johny raised his hand.Now little Johny was noted for his bad language so the teacher reluctantly called on him. Little Johny said "My cousins wife has a sweater with ten buttons but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight" The teacher cried.
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Blonde Passenger
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes." Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they''ll be delayed two hours. Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours. The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, "Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we''ll be up here all day."  |
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Sekerob
Ace Cruncher Joined: Jul 24, 2005 Post Count: 20043 Status: Offline |
Already had an overdose of sun, so back in the shade thinking of that odd procession i saw passing the cemetery. A long black hearse being followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second hearse was a solitary old man walking a pit-bull terrier on a leash. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.
----------------------------------------Unable to contain my curiosity, quietly and respectfully approached the old man walking the dog and inquired 'I'm so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?' The old man replied, 'Well, the first hearse is for my wife.' 'What happened to her?' I asked . The old man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.' 'Well, who's in the second hearse?' I inquired. The old man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her too.' We shared a poignant and thoughtful moment of silence and then continued, 'Can I borrow the dog?' The old man replied, 'Join the queue'. 
WCG
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
A man walks into a library and approaches the librarian. "Do you have any books on commiting suicide?" The librarian tells the man that they're on the third shelf of the first row. 5 minutes later the man approaches the librarian again and tells her that there are no books there. The librarian replies "the swines never bring them back"
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Daily Joke
Visit The-Jokes.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please, do not reply to this e-mail. Go to the end for contact info and removal instructions. If you're under 18, get your parents' permission before you read this. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Letters On Fruit A teacher comes into the class room and there is a red apple with the letter "T" on it setting on her desk. She asks: "My what a pretty apple. Who brought this to me?" Little girl in the front row replies: "I did teacher." The teacher asks: "What does the letter "T" stand for?" "Teacher", she replies. The next day there is a great big red apple, with the letters "TT" on it. "My what a big beautiful apple who brought this to me?" Little boy in the back row says: "I did." "Why thank you, but what do the letters "TT" stand for?" "To Teacher", he replies. A couple of days later there is a huge watermelon on her desk with letters on it. She asks: "Who brought this watermelon in?" A little black boy in the center of the class replies: "Why I did teacher". "Why thank you very much. We'll have this at recess, but do you know what the letters stand for?", she asks in a upset tone. "Yes maam. From Us Coloured Kids..." |
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Diana G.
Master Cruncher Joined: Apr 6, 2005 Post Count: 3003 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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haldav, I had to read that last line like 3 times 'fore I gotted it
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
It's what's known as prenelsocking.
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Supermarket Mother A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk. |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Sister Margaret was preparing for bed when Sister Fern popped her head round the door to tell her that there was a blind man waiting to see her. Sister Margaret looks down - she has only got her pink stripy socks on, nothing else. "Oh well," she says, "send him in." So the blind man walks in and says, "Nice socks love, now where do you want this window blind?"
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