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World Community Grid Forums
Category: Community
Forum: Chat Room
Thread: The Jokes Thread |
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Thread Status: Active Total posts in this thread: 1237
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Stumpy and His Wife Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." ...... etc., etc. Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars." A word-for-word copy of the Brit version above, substituting ten dollars for 50 quid. But £50 is about $100.  |
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Diana G.
Master Cruncher Joined: Apr 6, 2005 Post Count: 3003 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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 When I moved I had to get a different modem since I shut off the digital phone service, so I haven't gotten any mail and when I called India for help  , he told me the main email address goes with the modem so now I have LOST a weeks worth of emails He told me my new email address is the same as before but with a 4 added to it...so hopefully once I let every one know my new email, I hope to get some jokes   |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids.< BR>-- Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - - Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but no t for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child) HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favorite is........ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10 |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
A REDNECK LOVE POEM:
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE, SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE. SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO. PAPPY TOLD HER, 'SUSIE GAL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER. I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.' SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL. BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.' 'YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL, AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER. BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO' I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.' BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, 'MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. MARRY WILL, OR MARRY JOE: YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.' Brings a tear to yer eye, don't it? |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Why are there two jokes threads? This one and this - http://www.worldcommunitygrid.org/forums/wcg/viewthread?thread=13014 You are a kill joy, please start smiling at people, you are not a community adviser and you are starting to make peoples misserable. Your hip must be smoking with all the shots of off it lately. *****EDITED FOR HUMOUR******* [Edit 2 times, last edit by Former Member at Jun 21, 2008 3:03:52 PM] |
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Sekerob
Ace Cruncher Joined: Jul 24, 2005 Post Count: 20043 Status: Offline |
? Are you one in the making.... WCG has vacancies
----------------------------------------(sorry, open door and too good to pass up in this jokes thread )
WCG
----------------------------------------Please help to make the Forums an enjoyable experience for All! [Edit 1 times, last edit by Sekerob at Jun 16, 2008 8:38:43 PM] |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
D.A.M.
What does D.A.M stand for? Mothers Against Dyslexia.  |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Gorilla Control
A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun. "Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated." "Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?" "In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog." |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Wife to husband, 'Darling, would you like some breakfast'?
Husband,'No thanks honey, the viagra has taken the edge off my appetite' Wife (four hours later) 'Darling, how about a nice bowl of broth for dinner'? Husband, 'No thanks honey, the viagra has taken the edge off my appetite' Wife (five hours later) 'Darling, how about a nice plate of fish and chips for tea'? Husband, 'No thanks honey, the viagra continues to take the edge off my appetite' Wife, 'Then for heavens sake, get off me, I'm ruddy starving' |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached
a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" |
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