A historian and a psychologist are sitting outside at a nudist colony. Historian: “Have you read Marx?” Psychologist: “Yes, I think they’re from the wicker chairs.”

Hello Sek, I here the joke in your voice, I will apply to be an adviser when my slightly sarcastic sense of humore is no more, I have been working on calming it down for many years now and fear only a long spell in the asylum will help, while gone I will leave my comp on to work on a cure.

Yours Hannibal Lecter.

Surprise Package

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. "Hello there," says the man, "and what is your name?"
"Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?"

"I'm Jim."

"Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??"

"Sure!" replies Jim, "Let's go!"

So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. "Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk," Jim says.

"Yes? And what about it?" asks Stacey.

"Is it your brother?"

"No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband.

When he finally asks, "Is it your husband?"

Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" Jim was relieved.

"Then, it must be your boyfriend!"

Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!!"

"Then, who is it?" Jim asks.

Stacey replies, "That's me BEFORE my operation!!"

Armless Man in a Bar

An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.

The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.

The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?"

The bartender quickly replied, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."

The Wily Irishman

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a Guiness bottle that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says, "I want two more of these."

The genie sniggers.

"You think I'm daft, don't you," says Paddy, "Well, can you think of a better way of always having two friends?"