Blond riding a horse..

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the
horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a
firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she
slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap a way
from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has
become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.......................

Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.

One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.

She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.

There was only one other patron in the store.

Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.

The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.

Pull yourself together! She chided herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!

The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.

When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty.

Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight.

With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.

His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman,

'You put it in your purse.'

I see the old feller that wrote the song "Hokey Cokey".
The undertaker placed him in his coffin, and it was when they put his left leg in, the trouble started!

Are you guys handing round the same jokes rolodex.... think the expanded version had some meat to it :D

Nov.4, 2007

http://www.worldcommunitygrid.org/forums/wcg/printpost?post=135750

The Christmas Divorce

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I
hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams. "We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer", the old man says. "We're sick
and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

And he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes
on the phone. "Like heck they're getting a divorce, she shouts.
I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You
are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until
then don't do a thing, Do you hear me?" And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, smiles and turns to his
wife.....
"They're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."