Can't compete with that one. They don't come any better.

Hope you are not a blonde!!!!!

A blonde in Las Vegas

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"

Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to
look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per
pair."

Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot
of dose, and when we get back to Ireland, we could make a fortune. Now
when we go Into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the
talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent. "

"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will." says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at> >£2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each.
I'll back up my truck and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
“Well ..... yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d' y' know dat?"

The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."

Years ago, a sweet little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day, as a young businessman left his office building for lunch, he would pass her stand, leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel. They never exchanged a word even though this went on for several years. One day, after the young man had left his quarter as always, the pretzel lady finally spoke to him. "Sir, I appreciate your business and you're a good customer, but the price of pretzels has gone up to 35 cents!"

A Fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to take off all of your clothes.

When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."

The next night he came home from work and yelled "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"

"What the heck is BELL 4?" asked the husband.

"Roll out more hose," she replied "You're nowhere near the fire!"

edited for language...cih

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"