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Darth Vader Strikes Back

There's going to be an extra scene included in the next DVD release of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK! Basically, it expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood to Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of Episode 1 & 2...

The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition

INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER:

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here, baby!

{Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.}

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...

{Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.}

{Darth Vader looks after him.}

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460, when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage,

"Hey Doc, want you to take a look at this?

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,

"So Doc, look at this engine.
I opened its heart, took the valves out,
repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in,
and when I finished, it worked just like new."

So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7
million when you and I are doing basically the same work?

The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic,
"Try doing it with the engine running!"

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very
bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that
said:
Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back
$1,000"
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans
about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you
please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops
in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be
$500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to
recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the
patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be
$500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after
several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your
$1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

(I know -- I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel).

Long way from the bottom, there are some floating around that are way worse.
nap