MID TERM EXAM

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all.One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always at the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang for the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in attractive containers, and high enough off the ground where the cat can't get at it.

He got full marks.

I had hoped some would read it all

With Apologies to Grendel Briarton

On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police. There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town’s leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.

"It’s a common enough means of death for cartoon characters," Fenwick opined. "Every year we lose five or six citizens to falling safes. But this time it was no accident. This time, it’s murder!"

He showed Feghoot the ingenious deadfall trap rigged to rain financial ruin on an unsuspecting victim. Bullwinkle’s antlers were still entangled in the tripwire. Grasped tightly in one hand was a small statue of a Hindu god.

The dead quadruped’s best friend, Rocky the flying squirrel, had been with Bullwinkle at the time of his death, but when questioned by Feghoot the distraught rodent said all he could remember was seeing a rabbi fleeing the scene upon, of all things, a pogo stick. Fenwick immediately issued an APB for the rabbi.

"You’re wasting your time, Fenwick," said Feghoot grimly, as he stood from his examination of the body." "The rabbi has been framed. When you find him, he will tell you of some elaborate ruse that induced him to be on a pogo stick at this time and this place."

"How do you know that, Feghoot?" asked the Inspector.

"This is the work of the Christmas Killer," Feghoot declared. "I have been on the trail of this fiend for years, and I fear we might never catch him. Every December he arranges one of these grisly messages. Look! Didn’t you notice the smile on the victim’s face? The corners of his mouth have been propped up … by these!" He displayed two toothpicks he had taken from Bullwinkle’s mouth.

"I still don’t see how you know the murderer is the Christmas Killer," said Fenwick.

"Isn’t it obvious!" Feghoot asked. "Wee Vishnu, a merry crushed moose, and a hoppy Jew near."

Ja, sure, you betcha. Dat vas a gut vun

Cheers.

This one might be more readily grasped by you Brits out there.... Particularly those of a certain age.....

Once upon a time there was a tribe of monkeys living deep in the jungle. They were a happy bunch and would all work together for the good of the tribe. They had been working especially hard of late in preparation for a great feast and celebration for one of the lady monkeys was going to have a baby monkey.

As the birth grew near the celebrations started. There was dancing and eating and drinking and much frivolity until the news spread quickly through the tribe that the baby monkey had been born...... But then all the monkeys were sad because, you see, they heard that the baby monkey could not bend his legs.

So, it came to pass that the monkeys gathered and there was much discussion about what to do until one of the grandma monkeys remembered that at the edge of the jungle there lived a witch doctor.

The monkeys were happy again because they all thought that the witch doctor would be able to mend the poor baby monkey’s legs

As a group all of the fit and healthy monkeys started preparing for the long journey until, with the baby monkey carried on a very special bed of soft leaves they set out for the witch doctor’s house with the chief monkey at the head of the procession.

As they reached the edge of the village they passed the house of an old and wizened monkey who was outside sitting on his porch. “You do know that the witch doctor will need to be paid” he called out to the chief. They all stopped. They all looked at each other then they all looked at the chief....

“We must all go back to the village and search for some money” he said, so they all turned back and the search began. They looked high and low, in cupboards and in drawers, on shelves and in pots but there was no money to be found anywhere so once again there was great sadness.

As day turned to night with doom and gloom in their hearts and as they readied themselves for bed a shout was heard.....

“I found money, I found money, it was under grandad monkey’s mattress!”

A great cheer went up as the young monkey proudly went up to the chief monkey and presented him with a single shiny and new looking penny

All the monkey’s were happy again because they could pay for the baby monkey’s legs to be mended by the witch doctor.

The next morning they set out for the witch doctor’s house and after walking for a day and a night and almost the whole of the next day they reached the witch doctor’s house and they all gathered round as the chief monkey approached the front door and knocked. The door opened and there appeared the witch doctor. With various bones sticking through his lips and his face painted he was a scary sight and all he monkeys that had gathered round jumped back in shock...... All except the chief monkey who stood his ground. “Who are you? What do you want?” Said the witch doctor.

“I am the chief of the monkeys” said the chief picking up the baby and holding him toward the witch doctor in the palm of one hand. Then, withdrawing the shiny new coin from his pocket with his other hand he said to the witch doctor....

“I was wondering, have you got two ha’pennies for a penny?”