Responding to the Nigerian Prince

Dear Sir,

I am Colonel Harry Krishna Sarland Handers the 2nd, a citizen of the United States of America. My father was a chicken farmer who amassed a small fortune over the course of his lifetime.

Since his product had a tendency to cause some people to have gas pains and heartburn, he hid some of his money in an couple of old mattresses back in his summer cabin near Lake ItchyScratchy in order to avoid losing all of it to frivolous lawsuits.

I didn't know of this money until after my father's death by heartburn, and by then it was too late to recover it since his cabin now rests underwater because the area was flooded for a hydroelectric dam. After his death, I found out that he had written about this mattress money on the back of one of his early chicken recipes, which I found hidden behind the family portrait that hung in his living room.

The last number he had tallied there indicated there was over $1.3 million dollars, mixed in with some old Christmas Fruit Cake, chicken feathers and National Geographic magazines, all stuffed into two mattresses in the cabin's only bedroom. This is where we need your assistance. In order to locate and recover the underwater mattresses, we need $49.95 to buy a garden hose (for breathing air underwater) and another $49.95 for a hair-dryer to dry off the money after we recover it, and we also need $.10 to bribe Cletus, the local yokel who owns the only boat for miles around.

So, for a very small investment from you of only $100 US, I am offering you a 10% share of all the money, fruitcake and National Geographic we recover. Remember, these National Geographics may even have photographs of some of your distant relatives, so this is an excellent deal. I want you to contact me immediately so that we agree on how to proceed with the successful recovery of these lost treasures. Your quick response will guarantee you a significant portion of whatever we dig up. Looking forward to your urgent response.

Yours Sincerely,
COLONEL SARLAND HANDERS

debsgr8, thanks for all you did to help.

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I used to eats only "Natural Foods"
Until, that is, I realised that most people died of "Natural Causes"!

An older couple had a son who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son has no career plans, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a $10 bill, a Bible and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The test was this: If the son took the money, he would be a businessman, if he took the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he took the bottle of whiskey, he would be a drunk.

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole, they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him.

Then, he took the $10 bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!"