Angus and Jack were two old Inibrians. Angus was dying and asked Jack, "When I am gone Jack, for old times sake, will you pour a bottle of whisky over my grave?" Jack replied, "Sure, I'll do that as long as you don't mind if it goes through my kidneys first."

"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”
“Huge hands, sir.”

JobInterview Question

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for
the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

A group of kindergarten children were on a class outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," answered the policeman.
"Well," wondered the child, "why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

JOKE SIGNS


Sign on the door of a vet's waiting room: "Back in five minutes. Sit... Stay!"

A sign over a gynaecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix"

On the door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

A sign in the non-smoking area of a restaurant: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

Outside a silencer shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

Ad on the side of a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

Another slogan on the truck of a plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

Pizza shop slogan: "Seven days without pizza makes one weak."