Since the snow came all our children have done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse we'll have to let them in.

After 10 years, a woman began to think that her child looked kind of strange. So she had a DNA test done, and found out the child was not theirs.

She confronted her husband with the results, who replied, "You don't remember, do you?"
"When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped, and you told me to change him.
So I went back inside, got a clean one, and left the dirty one there."

The wife fainted ... .

A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken. A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned at the others for their selfishness.
Later that day, the man came home in tears, covered in bruises. "What's the matter?" asked the man's wife. "I lost my job as a bus driver."

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They are ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.

I got these from a discussion group:

My doctor, he don't help either. He told me to run 5 Miles a day for two weeks. I called him up I said, Doc I'm 70 miles from my house - Rodney Dangerfield

As we all well know, Rodney’s doctor told him he was overweight. When Rodney asked him for a second opinion, the doctor said “Fine, you’re ugly too!”