SANITY

Bob and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Bob suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Bob out.

When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays soundness of mind. The bad news is that Bob, the
patient you saved, hanged himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Cussin'...


A 6-year old and a 4-year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4-year old nods his head in approval.

The 6-year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something
with the H word and you say something with the A word." The 4-year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the
mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, he**, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair,
tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His Mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your a** it won't be Cheerios!
/



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Edited for inappropriate language - nelsoc

A guy in London hotel calls the operator and asks, in his broken English with a heavy Lithuanian - Yiddish accent, for the number "266419"

a short time later there's a knock on the door, and when he opens the door, he sees two beautiful and sexy girls, who ask him:


" are you the guy who ordered " two shikses for one night"?

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting. So would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but, being a good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?" The wife replies "I did, they were in your tackle box."

>How important does a person have to be before they are
>considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
>________________________________
>
>Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a
>"penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
>________________________________
>
>Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing
>the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
>________________________________
>
>Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>________________________________
>
>What disease did cured ham actually have?
>________________________________
>
>How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured
>out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>________________________________
>
>Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
>when babies wake up like every two hours?
>________________________________
>
>If a deaf person has to go to court,
>is it still called a hearing?
>________________________________
>
>Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
>________________________________
>
>Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
>money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>________________________________
>
>Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
>They're going to see you naked anyway.
>________________________________
>
>Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
>________________________________
>
>Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast
>to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>________________________________
>
>If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
>why is there a stupid song about him?
>________________________________
>
>Can a hearse carrying a corpse
>drive in the carpool lane?
>________________________________
>
>If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
>out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>________________________________
>
>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto
>remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
>________________________________
>
>If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all
>that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
>________________________________
>
>If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
>made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
>________________________________
>
>If electricity comes from electrons,
>does morality come from morons?
>________________________________
>
>Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle
>Little Star have the same tune?
>________________________________
>
>Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
>________________________________
>
>Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
>hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
>________________________________
>
>Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
>but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
>________________________________

Just wondering ...