The Legend of the Christmas Tree Angel

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.

Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass...

This was an entertaining interview Joking, and Learning, About Philosophy

A snail is mugged by two turtles.

The policeman asks the snail what happened, the snail replies, "I don't know - it was all over so fast."

Teacher: " Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday. "

Wee Billy thinks, "Ya beauty! I'm pure dead brilliant at general knowledge so I am. This is gonny be a doddle!

Teacher: " Right class, who can tell me who said. ' Don't ask what our country can do for you, but what you can do for your country? '

Wee Billy shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher looking round picks Farqhuar-Fauntlerioy at the front.

'Yes, Farqhuar? '

Farqhuar (in a very English accent): " Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy - inauguration speech 1960."

Teacher: " Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will see you back in class on Tuesday."

The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Billy is even more determined.

Teacher: " Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?"

Wee Billys' hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting " I know. I know. Me Miss, me Miss "

Teacher looking round and picks Tarquin-Smythe, sitting at the front:

" Yes Tarquin."

Tarquin (In a very, very posh, English accent): " Yes miss, the answer is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."

Teacher: " Very good Tarquin , you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class on Tuesday."

The following Thursday comes around and Wee Billy is hyper, he's been studying encyclopedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes. He's coiled in his wee chair, dribbling in anticipation.

Teacher: " Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind? "

Wee Billys' arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat, jumping up and down screaming " Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know. Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee "

Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front.

" Yes Rupert."

Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent): " Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong. 1967, The first moon landing."

Teacher: "Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into class on Tuesday."

Wee Billy loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming " Where the did all those English chaps came from "

Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: " Who said that? "

Wee Billy grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden, 1746. See ye on Tuesday Miss."

Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither driver is hurt. It's impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they'll be there in 20 minutes.
It's cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the doctor says.
"AFTER the police get here" replies the lawyer.

Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man. "How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde. He proceeded to show her....by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing. "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy. "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her...where do you think you are going?

The blonde answered, "Home. I can't work in the dark".