There was a frog lived in a well,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee,
There was a mouse lived in a mill,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.
This frog he would a-wooing ride,
With sword and buckler by his side.
With a harum scarum diddle dum darum,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.

He rode till he came to Mouse's Hall,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee,
Where he most tenderly did call,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.
"Oh! Mistress Mouse, are you at home?
And if you are, oh pray, come down."
With a harum scarum diddle dum darum,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.

"My Uncle Rat is not at home;
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee,
I dare not for my life come down."
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.
Then Uncle Rat he soon comes home,
"And who's been here since I've been gone?"
With a harum scarum diddle dum darum,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.

"Here's a fine young gentleman,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee,
Who swears he'll have me if he can."
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.
Then Uncle Rat gave his consent,
And made a handsome settlement.
With a harum scarum diddle dum darum,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.

Four partridge pies with season made,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee,
Two potted larks and marmalade,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.
Four woodcocks and a venison pie,
I would that at that feast were I!
With a harum scarum diddle dum darum,
Whipsee diddledee dandy dee.

Welcome to the nut-house, Adrian!

With apologies to Julie Andrews, who is said to have sung something like it for a charity function:

Old crocks on Botox, who cough for the nation
Mates who have macular degeneration
Baldies whose hair has flown off without wings;
Still we are grandchildren's favourite things.
When our joints ache and our backs break
And we stay in bed
Then we think of strings of our favourite things
And we dream on instead.

Waist hooks and scrapbooks and tomes about knitting
Nursemaids and deaf aids, and hips spread from sitting.
Pots packed with pills we've forgotten to take.
Lilies for friends it is hard to forsake.
When our knees creak and we can't speak
As our throats feel bad
We think of the ends of those favourite friends
Feeling so very sad.

Old bones and gall stones and stones in odd places
Dentures so loose they fall out of their braces
Instant injections for stubborn glucose
Constant infections from stubbing blue toes.
Anaesthesia and amnesia
Can at times be rife
But memory brings us our favourite things
When once we had a life

Chary of walking when others are charier
Proton pumped stomachs from spiral bacteria.
Guts make rude noises as we cough or sneeze
Buggies are useless without M.O.T.s
I'm no poet and I know it
Penning this for you
Writing it sings of my favourite things.
Hoping you like it too.

A Frog he would a-wooing go,
Heigho! says Rowley,
Whether his mother would let him or no.
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

So off he set with his opera hat,
Heigho! says Rowley,
And on the way he met with a Rat.
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

"Now pray, Mr. Rat, won't you come with me,"
Heigho! says Rowley,
"Kind Mrs. Mousey for to see?"
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

And when they came to Mousey's hall,
Heigho! says Rowley,
They gave a knock and they gave a call.
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

"Pray, Mrs. Mouse, are you within?"
Heigho! says Rowley,
"Yes, kind sirs, I'm sitting to spin."
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

"Pray, Mrs. Mouse, will you give us some beer?"
Heigho! says Rowley,
"For Froggy and I are fond of good cheer."
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach.
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

"Pray, Mr. Frog, will you give us a song?"
Heigho! says Rowley,
"But let it be something that's not very long."
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

"Indeed, Mrs. Mouse," replied the frog,
Heigho! says Rowley,
"A cold has made me as hoarse as a hog."
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

"Since you have caught cold, Mr. Frog," Mousey said,
Heigho! says Rowley,
"I'll sing you a song that I have just made."
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

But while they were all a merry-making,
Heigho! says Rowley,
A cat and her kittens came tumbling in.
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

The cat she seized the rat by the crown;
Heigho! says Rowley,
And the kittens pulled the little mouse down.
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

This put Mr. Frog in a terrible fright,
Heigho! says Rowley,
He put on his hat, and he wished them goodnight.
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

But as Mr. Frog was crossing the brook,
Heigho! says Rowley,
A lily-white duck came and gobbled him up.
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.

So there was an end of one, two, and three,
Heigho! says Rowley,
The rat, the mouse, and little froggee!
With a rowley, powley, gammon and spinach,
Heigho! says Anthony Rowley.


There was a frog lived in a well,
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
There was a frog lived in a well;
Kitty alone and I!

There was a frog lived in a well,
And a merry mouse in a mill.
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

This frog he would a-wooing ride,
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
This frog he would a-wooing ride,
And on a snail he got astride,
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

He rode till he came to my Lady Mouse Hall,
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
He rode till he came to my Lady Mouse Hall,
And there he did both knock and call.
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

Quoth he, "Miss Mouse, I'm come to thee," -
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
Quoth he, "Miss Mouse, I'm come to thee
To see if thou canst fancy me."
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

Quoth she, "Answer I'll give you none," -
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
Quoth she, "Answer I'll give you none
Until my Uncle Rat comes home."
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

And when her Uncle Rat came home,
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
And when her Uncle Rat came home:
"Who's been here since I've been gone?"
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

"Sir, there's been a worthy gentleman," -
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
Sir, there's been a worthy gentleman,
That's been here since you've been gone."
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

The frog he came whistling through the brook,
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
The frog he came whistling through the brook,
And there he met with a dainty duck.
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

This duck she swallowed him up with a pluck,
Kitty alone, Kitty alone;
This duck she swallowed him up with a pluck,
So there's the end of my history-book.
Cock me cary, Kitty alone,
Kitty alone and I.

Maggy!
Yes, Ma?
Come right upstairs.
Maggy!
Yes, Ma?
Dem stairs ain't chairs.
Why does it take you so long to say goodnight?
You know I've told you always,
It ain't safe to stand in hallways.
Maggy!
Yes, Ma?
Give hin his hat.
Maggy!
Yes, Ma?
Just leave him flat.
In the morning he will 'phone ya
and he'll say he's got pneumonia,
Maggy!
Yes, Ma?
Come right upstairs.

Ladybird, Ladybird, fly away home,
Your house is on fire and your children are at home.