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Former Member
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

There was I, waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church, waiting at the church;
When I found he'd left me in the lurch.
Lor, how it did upset me!
All at once, he sent me round a note
Here's the very note, this is what he wrote:
"Can't get away to marry you today,
My wife, won't let me!"
[Sep 28, 2009 1:12:56 PM]   Link   Report threatening or abusive post: please login first  Go to top 
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

Cats sleep
Anywhere,
Any table
Any chair,
Top of piano,
Window ledge,
In the middle,
On the edge,
Open drawer,
Empty shoe,
Anybody's lap will do,
Fitted in a
Cardboard box,
In the cupboard
With your frocks--
Anywhere!
They don't care!
Cats sleep
Anywhere.
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

Mary Ellen at the church turned up
Her ma turned up and her pa turned up
Her sister Gert and her rich Uncle Bert
And the parson with his long white shirt
Turned up.
But no bridegroom with the ring turned up
And a telegraph boy with his nose turned up
Brought a telegram that said
That he didn't want to wed
And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up.
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish all day long,
Boom, Boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

A horse and a flea and three blind mice
Sat on a tombstone shooting dice.
The horse slipped and fell on the flea-
"Oops! said the flea, there's a horse on me!"
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish all day long,
Boom, Boom, ain't it great to be crazy? wink
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

Itsy-bitsy spider up the water spout,
Down came a nuke and blew the spider out,
Out came the sun and dried up all the ground,
Itsy-Bitsy Spider - nowhere to be found.
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives.
Every wife had seven sacks,
Every sack had seven cats,
Every cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks, and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?
[Sep 28, 2009 8:36:48 PM]   Link   Report threatening or abusive post: please login first  Go to top 
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

One - you.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.
So this is Global Warming?

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
Now he can't keep his pulse rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ham
And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Mad cow, alas, became mad ram
And now it's black and crispy.
----------------------------------------
[Edit 2 times, last edit by Former Member at Sep 28, 2009 9:03:59 PM]
[Sep 28, 2009 8:41:43 PM]   Link   Report threatening or abusive post: please login first  Go to top 
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an India-rubber ball,
And he sometimes gets so little that there’s none of him at all.

He hasn’t got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close beside me, he’s a coward you can see;
I’d think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

Little Miss Muffet sat in a buffet
Eating a Big Mac and Fries
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
'Yuck', it said, 'I prefer flies'
[Sep 29, 2009 1:23:39 PM]   Link   Report threatening or abusive post: please login first  Go to top 
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Re: Nursery Rhymes you probably didn't recite as a kid

The other day, I met a bear,
With tennis shoes, a dandy pair!
The other day, I met a bear,
With tennis shoes, a dandy pair!

He looked at me, I looked at him;
He sized me up, I sized up him.
He looked at me, I looked at him,
He sized me up, I sized up him.

He said to me: "Why don't you run?
I see you don't have any gun."
He said to me: "Why don't you run?
I see you don't have any gun."

So I did run, away from there,
And right behind, me came that bear!
So I did run, away from there,
And right behind, me came that bear!

Ahead of me, I saw a tree,
A great big tree, oh golly-gee!
Ahead of me, I saw a tree,
A great big tree, oh golly-gee!

The only branch, was 10 feet up;
I'd have to jump, and trust my luck.
The only branch, was 10 feet up;
I'd have to jump, and trust my luck.

And so I jumped, into the air;
But I missed that branch, away up there.
And so I jumped, into the air;
But I missed that branch, away up there.

Now don't you fret, now don't you frown,
'Cause I caught that branch, on my way back down!
Now don't you fret, now don't you frown,
'Cause I caught that branch, on my way back down!

The moral is, no shocking news,
Don't talk to bears, in tennis shoes.
The moral is, no shocking news,
Don't talk to bears, in tennis shoes.

That's all there is, there is no more,
Unless I meet, that bear once more!
That's all there is, there is no more,
Unless I meet, that bear once more!

The End, The End, The End, The End,
The End, The End, The End, The End,
[Sep 29, 2009 2:06:00 PM]   Link   Report threatening or abusive post: please login first  Go to top 
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