Information

[Berta R.]

Do you have kids/grandkids? If not, do you want kids or plan on becoming a parent any time soon?

I was the first of the six girls to get married and the first to have a baby and grandson #1 was really spoiled!!  But, oh my gosh, no one ever told me babies CRY!!!   I was in the hospital 4 days and the nurses did all the caring for the baby until they sent me home. I cried right along side of Troys little bed the whole first night...
I raised five kids (and lost one in infancy). I have four sons and 1 daughter. Valerie is right in the middle. She always wanted a sister. When I came home from the hospital with our youngest son she started crying and asked me..."Mommy, don't you like girls?" When I assured her I did, she wanted to know..."Then why do you keep having little boys?" That was a hard one to explain to an 8-year old...LOL!
I also have 9 grandchildren, including the infant granddaughter we lost in 2006, and 2 great grandchildren.

 

[MisasMom]

No children. When I was married the first time, we had infertility issues. It wasn't until long after he was gone that the exact cause was discovered. I had corrective surgery but didn't meet my now husband until I was over 40 and we didn't get married until I was 46 and we decided together that we did not want children since I would be such a high risk pregnancy at that age.  

We have had 4 fur children over the course of our relationship. I had Misa when I met Ed, she was a seal point Siamese and she passed away in 2002. We then adopted Sapphire and her litter mate sister Topaz (RIP) in October, 2002. Both full Siamese, torte points. In June of 2006, we added a foster for 6 months, another seal point named Bandit. I wanted to keep him but he was kind of a bully to the girls and the pet shrink I consulted said he would do better as an only cat so we helped make that happen through the vet office where we got him. All of our cats have been spayed or neutered before re-producing. 

[oceanbreezes423]

I have 3 Son's, which was perfect for me! I love the outdoors and baseball, and camping. Boys just fed in to my need to do those things, it was GREAT!!
We now have 6 Grand children, 5 girls, 1 boy! Now, at this stage of life I can do all the frilly things little girls like, and our Grandson, well he fits right in. Only
2 of our Grandchildren live close to us, and I LOVE my time with them. I just wish they were all close, now that would be GREAT!!

[Art_Teacher]

No children...sigh...I don't know why this question never gets easier.  We wanted children, but have never been able to have them and there has been no medical reason why.  For those of you with kids, I urge you to think about how you talk with your friends who don't have them.  All the comments like "just relax and it will happen," and "God will take care of it," are more hurtful than helpful to those struggling with infertility.  Likewise, the questions to your young, married friends and family about when they are having children often strike deeply.  I have been dealing with the emotional side of this for 20 years and it has faded some, since I'm 47 and fewer people ask those questions, but I still get asked by high school students occasionally.  More often, I get asked why we didn't adopt and there were many reasons.  Mostly, we just kept hoping and wishing for our own children, until we were too old and set in our ways to think about adoption.   I wish our culture would realize that not everyone is going to be a parent and that's okay.  We are so child-centered in our lives, and that is good for the children but not always for all the adults.  In addition, think about it when you complain about your kids to those who don't have any.  It is small consolation that we are more free to do what we want more often than those with kids.  That also means we will end up alone someday and it is terrifying.

As I re-read this, it seems like a rant and it isn't at all.  Just an awareness issue.  This is a perfectly natural question to ask when you are getting to know somebody.  Just don't follow it up with "Why?"  "Didn't you want to have children?"  That might be pushing it a bit too far.

[sdwhru]

I have no children; I got remarried when I was 32 and maybe if I was younger when I had first married him, but I seriously doubt it.  I just don't have a desire to have children.  My DH does have a daughter from a previous marriage but she lives so far away not much of a relationship there.  

We have furbabies  The spoiled dachshund I posted pics of not that long ago and a mix dog, beagle & dachshund (dagle).  We've had to put two down in the last few years and one just died during the night last November and he has been there to support me through that.  Cuz I had the dogs before I had him,  LOL

[karensay]

We were blessed with a DD a month before my 45th birthday, she arrived 2 weeks before our First Anniversary.

When I went to the Doctor and the nurse handed me a Mommy to Be bag I told her there was a mistake and that I was starting Menopause.  SURPRISE on me!

She is 14 and I am 59.

[MTCanuk]

I have 2 grown daughters- 28 and 25.  The oldest has  blessed us with 3 grandchildren- a girl(8) and two boys(7 and 2).  They live right in the same town as me.  I am so thankful they are here and I get to enjoy all their activities and celebrations.  Hope they feel the same about me.  The youngest daughter says she isn't having any kids.  So I will enjoy the ones I have to the max and spoil them too!

[stateless]

I have one son, Benjamin, who will be turning one in a couple of weeks! I can't believe it's already been a year!

Also a kitty, Space Cat.

[Charleneanne]

I have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl.  One of my boys is single and never been married (cohabitated, talked about marrying, etc. but never made the commitment). One is divorced and dating.  And my DD id married and  has 2 children.   My kids are all in their 40's now and this new little grandchild born in January of this year is a surprise and delight.  I always wanted to be a mom and a grandma.  Seems unfair to me that I had 3 kids and only have two little grandkids and they live all the way across the country from me.  lol

[emmapaige]

I have two daughters who are 45 (gasp)  and 41, one stepdaughter who will turn 42 on Sunday and one stepson who is 36. We have three grandsons from my stepson, a granddaughter from my older daughter an another granddaughter from my stepdaughter.

[average_kim]

I have 3 kids- 2 girls and a boy. My DH has a grown daughter from his first marriage, and she has two kids, a boy and a girl. DH has a grown son from his second marriage who lives in another state and we seldom see.

[57Diana]

I have two sons 29 & 26. My oldest is married and we have one 15 month old Grandson.  They live over 2 hours away, so I do get to see them as often as I would like.  My youngest is not married but living with his girlfriend so I keep hoping it goes to the next level:). They live here close by.

[blbabe1234]

DH and I personally do not have kids together, but he has a 21 yr old son from a previous marriage.

At the beginning, when we got engaged, I was 25, DH was 34. Kids came up. We wanted to be married first, and try after a year or two. But when we got married, I was 27 and he was 36. That would have put us at 29 and 38, respectively. When I was 20 and 21, I had ovulating issues. But when I was 29, I was diagnosed with cervicitis, which I was told was a pre-cursor to cervical cancer. My mom had it at the age of 35 and they detected it early, and she has been cancer free for 25 yrs. Her mother, unfortunetly, got it at the age of 31 but back then, they really didn't know what to do. She passed away at the age of 35 in 1969. Anyways, I was told by my gyno that cervicitis alone will cause fertility issues, along side my ovary problems. So I am not saying I'm infertile, but just having that knowledge, DH and I switched gears and have opened up our home, AND HEARTS to furbabies.

DH and I are both okay with our decisions and the way things have played out.
 

[Gail R]

We have his, mine and ours - dh has 2 daughters from a previous marriage, I have one daughter and we have a son.  The oldest daughter was never able to have children, but has 3 foster children (1 boy and 2 girls), 2nd daughter has 2 daughters, 3rd daughter has 3 daughters and our son isn't married and has no children.  The girls all live in Oregon and our son lives with us.  We don't see the grands often, but daughter #3 and the 3 granddaughters will be here August 7 for 10 days -  can't wait!

[christinec68]

By choice, we have no children but we are a fantastic aunt & uncle to our nieces and nephews!! 

[Linda L]

We have four beautiful children, two boy and two girls. Names and ages Robert Jr. (46), Shane (44), Tammy (38)  and Sherri (36).  We have been so blessed with our children and are so proud of them all.  We have nine grandchildren and this month sometime with be great grandbaby number two.  Actually anytime soon, I am in the process of planning a baby shower this month so that our newest great grandchild  Ryder Dean can be at the shower.

[butterfly843]

We have 4 babies in heaven, have been dealing with unexplained infertility for over 12 years and adoption isn't an option for many reasons. So we have our spoiled furbaby and I work with local animal rescues.

[Monroe1218]

We have no children.  After several miscarriages, we opened our homes and hearts for adoption - but for many reasons that didn't work out.  We made the decision this past October, that it would just be the two of us.  We would have loved to have had children - but it wasn't in the cards for us.  We do spoil the nephew who will be 4 in August.  And we love our furbabies!!

[Flasher]

I have a daughter who is 18 an a son who is 14.  I have no grandchildren, and to listen to my children tell it, I probably never will. 

[Flasher]

No children...sigh...I don't know why this question never gets easier.  We wanted children, but have never been able to have them and there has been no medical reason why.  For those of you with kids, I urge you to think about how you talk with your friends who don't have them.  All the comments like "just relax and it will happen," and "God will take care of it," are more hurtful than helpful to those struggling with infertility.  Likewise, the questions to your young, married friends and family about when they are having children often strike deeply.  I have been dealing with the emotional side of this for 20 years and it has faded some, since I'm 47 and fewer people ask those questions, but I still get asked by high school students occasionally.  More often, I get asked why we didn't adopt and there were many reasons.  Mostly, we just kept hoping and wishing for our own children, until we were too old and set in our ways to think about adoption.   I wish our culture would realize that not everyone is going to be a parent and that's okay.  We are so child-centered in our lives, and that is good for the children but not always for all the adults.  In addition, think about it when you complain about your kids to those who don't have any.  It is small consolation that we are more free to do what we want more often than those with kids.  That also means we will end up alone someday and it is terrifying.

As I re-read this, it seems like a rant and it isn't at all.  Just an awareness issue.  This is a perfectly natural question to ask when you are getting to know somebody.  Just don't follow it up with "Why?"  "Didn't you want to have children?"  That might be pushing it a bit too far.

I think this was an excellent post and a great conversation to be had.  I can only imagine that it's not an easy question to answer, and often times, those doing the asking just simply don't know how to respond once they hear the answer.  They want to be encouraging, but don't realize that those encouraging words often cut pretty deep even though they say them with the best of intentions. 

While I personally have asked people if they have children, I don't think I've ever followed up on the questions unless the person continues to speak about it.  I figure if they want to talk about it, they will, and if they don't, it's none of my business.