Information

[lilkoala3]

If not change your name and become a family. Why bother getting married? I do however believe in some circumstances it would be appropriate for the man to take the wife's name.

I think most people would agree that getting married is about much more than a name change.

it's interesting that this should come up. the same woman who I asked about already - they already own a house together, she doesnt want a religious service, she doesnt want vows at all, she doenst want anyone AT the wedding. I said, "dont you want to make a public promise?" she said, "promises are made to be broken" I said, "well dont you want to make a declaration of your love in front of your loved ones?" she said, "I dont care if anyone else knows how we feel, WE know and that's all that matters" at which point I say - what's the point? basically they are having a very small quaker ceremony that doenst require an officiant because she doesnt feel that she needs anyone to sanction it, and while they didnt say it, it seems the only point is to beat the fact that they will be common law married in a couple years. They arent sure they even plan on kids.

I think marraige means different things to different people. If I do get married, I'd like to do it the way your friend plans to do it. I'm not religious. I don't see a need to publicly declare my love for a man, but I think it would be nice to share a little ceremony where the 2 of us declare our love for each other and promise to be there for each other. For me, the dress, flowers, etc... is unnecessary. I can see how some women would like it, but I'm kind of a cheapskate, and I'd rather spend the money on something else. Like a trip or scrapbooking supplies or even save it for a home at some point.

[Indy Scrapper]

When I married, I took the last name of my dh. When we divorced, everyone wanted me to go back to my maiden name. I really didn't want to do that because of dd. I think this is a matter of whether or not this gals maiden name carries value to her. She feels it is her identity so that in itself has value to her. If she and her dh to be are in agreement, it shouldn't matter to anyone else. JMO

[meteechtap]

The article was interesting to read, and some points. I personaly kept my maiden name. I didn't intend on leaving it that way, but it's been seven years now. It does irratate my father who , when he writes a card to me puts my husbands last name on the end, but none of my family seem to have an oppion. My children are still young and have not asked me why my last name isn't the same. I did have to jump a few hoops enrolling my little one thru Pre-k because I did not have my husbands last name.

[megamay]

it's interesting that this should come up. the same woman who I asked about already - they already own a house together, she doesnt want a religious service, she doesnt want vows at all, she doenst want anyone AT the wedding. I said, "dont you want to make a public promise?" she said, "promises are made to be broken" I said, "well dont you want to make a declaration of your love in front of your loved ones?" she said, "I dont care if anyone else knows how we feel, WE know and that's all that matters" at which point I say - what's the point? basically they are having a very small quaker ceremony that doenst require an officiant because she doesnt feel that she needs anyone to sanction it, and while they didnt say it, it seems the only point is to beat the fact that they will be common law married in a couple years. They arent sure they even plan on kids.

I think marraige means different things to different people. If I do get married, I'd like to do it the way your friend plans to do it. I'm not religious. I don't see a need to publicly declare my love for a man, but I think it would be nice to share a little ceremony where the 2 of us declare our love for each other and promise to be there for each other. For me, the dress, flowers, etc... is unnecessary. I can see how some women would like it, but I'm kind of a cheapskate, and I'd rather spend the money on something else. Like a trip or scrapbooking supplies or even save it for a home at some point.

I think you are totally right that it means different things to different people and I am generally not judg-ey. Personally, I agree with you, Im not religious and I hated that my mother in law insisted she be allowed to spend a small fortune on my wedding, I would have rather had the money to go to Asia, or buy a house. But still, there has to be SOME reason why you would want to get married, otherwise why do it? This girl doesnt want to declare her love for him either, she says he knows. Honestly, I think she doesnt really want to get married, but he had surgery recently and she ran into a bunch of red tape with the hospital because she wasnt technically his wife. I think she would be fine just signing the paper, which is what she wants to do. but HE wants some sort of ceremony and party. So they are compromising, which I guess is her reason, to make him happy. and marriage is all about compromise, so I guess that makes sense

[Mommybruno]

I was ready to change my name as soon as I had to start spelling it, LOL! My maiden name was Steigmeier and I always said I was going to marry someone whose last name was Bo. Turns out I had to add three more letters to that to get Bruno, but I still like it way better than my old name!

[emarie803]

I was ready to change my name as soon as I had to start spelling it, LOL! My maiden name was Steigmeier and I always said I was going to marry someone whose last name was Bo. Turns out I had to add three more letters to that to get Bruno, but I still like it way better than my old name!

Yeah, I think I would have hated to be you in Kindergarden!

[megamay]

I was ready to change my name as soon as I had to start spelling it, LOL! My maiden name was Steigmeier and I always said I was going to marry someone whose last name was Bo. Turns out I had to add three more letters to that to get Bruno, but I still like it way better than my old name!

yeah I always had to spell mine too. But I do feel a little bad for my DD, our last name now starts with AA. so she will ALWAYS be first.

[LyndaKay]

My maiden name became my middle name. It was easy at the time. At this point in our married life, my husband wishes he had taken my last name! (too long of a story). I wish he had, too.
It's such a personal decision. I really don't see any wrong choice. But I do like when professional women of title (Prof., Dr., Judge, etc.) keep their maiden name. Again, it's personal.

[SBcrazee]

If not change your name and become a family. Why bother getting married? I do however believe in some circumstances it would be appropriate for the man to take the wife's name.

I think most people would agree that getting married is about much more than a name change.

I agree.

I agree too. On the other hand I can't imagine getting married just for a name change. And I happen to know several people that got married (some more than once), changed their names each time & still ended up divorced (some more than once). Name change doesn't seal the deal for marriage .

[TraciL]

I was really big on doing the hyphen and I have been since the 80s..but when we got married last year he was adamant about me taking his name. He went so far as to say "if you don't take it I won't be marrying you". Well, this infuriated me! But because I loved him and I wanted to clean up after someone for the rest of my life I decided to give in.

So we are in our last meeting with the minister and he said "is there anything else you would like to get out in the open right now?". I said "yea this whole name change thing, it's ridiculous" I explained what I was talking about and he looked at Pat and said "why is it so important to you that she take your name?" and he explained that he considered it a slap in the face if I didn't and disrespectful blah blah blah. So then it was my turn and I said that I had wanted to hyphen for years and him being such a dh about it (and I don't mean dear husband) that it made me want to do it more.

So then we got a nice little speech from the minister about how marriage isn't about spite and that shouldn't be why we do something and more blah blah blah.

So I felt like an a** and I agreed and we got married and I pick up after him every day

I still use my maiden name sometimes on magazines and such just to irritate. I also still have one credit card in my maiden name only because it was such a royal pain to change it with them. I changed everything else on-line, credit cards, student loans, bank accounts and this place wants a copy of our marriage license. I have it, but I don't feel they need it.

It's a pain because at work I am still the maiden name because they don't go through all the computer programs and change everything.

The hardest part is remembering to write your new name on stuff.

[mysunshine]

If I get married, I'll keep my last name. I don't see any reason to change it. Unless of course the guy has a REALLY awesome last name like... "Awesome" or "Scrapbooker." I think it would be cool to be named "Leslie Scrapbooker" or "Leslie Awesome." "Leslie Pinklover" or "Leslie Hello Kitty" are equally awesome names. When I get my PhD, it would be HOT to be called Dr. Sexy or Dr. Cool.


But I doubt the future Mr. Leslie will have such a cool last name. So the probability that I will keep mine is like 99.9%.

My SIL worked with a guy named Sam Awsum or something like that. There is hope for you Leslie!

[killarney_rose]

I was ready to change my name as soon as I had to start spelling it, LOL! My maiden name was Steigmeier and I always said I was going to marry someone whose last name was Bo. Turns out I had to add three more letters to that to get Bruno, but I still like it way better than my old name!

The hardest part after the name change is like changing the year when you write it after New Year!!!! It took me a full three or four months. I don't know how many checks I tore up!!!! LOL!

[Sus79]

I chose to change my name, but only because I liked my hubby´s last name better than my own I kept my maiden name as my middle name. But if he had a really common last name I wouldn´t have changed since I did like my maiden name

[JeanG]

I'm in my third marriage. Each time, I've taken the hubby's last name and, when we were divorced, I went back to my maiden name. This time is the last time for me, forever. If he croaks before me, I still keep his last name. There's no way in this world that I'm ever getting married again!! Oh - and it really annoys dh that his ex kept his last name - I think she still keeps it because it makes him nuts!!

[lilkoala3]

If I get married, I'll keep my last name. I don't see any reason to change it. Unless of course the guy has a REALLY awesome last name like... "Awesome" or "Scrapbooker." I think it would be cool to be named "Leslie Scrapbooker" or "Leslie Awesome." "Leslie Pinklover" or "Leslie Hello Kitty" are equally awesome names. When I get my PhD, it would be HOT to be called Dr. Sexy or Dr. Cool.


But I doubt the future Mr. Leslie will have such a cool last name. So the probability that I will keep mine is like 99.9%.

My SIL worked with a guy named Sam Awsum or something like that. There is hope for you Leslie!

I HEART your avatar. And you've given me hope...

[scrapsakes]

the fact that we have the choice is what empowers us

yep, my sentiments exactly... i think, it is absolutely up to the individual to decide.
my reason's the same as yours and seeing how i have 4 kids, can you just imagine
having to hassle with the introduction with every new acquaintances or institutions
and in case of emergencies, dealing with identification to be able to call the shots!

i am sure that many things make her a unique person as well,
but if she identifies with her maiden name, then so be it...

[happayscrappay]

I have two last names without a hyphen. I kept my last name because of my professional ties with it and then added my husband's last name. I think now that I might have just kept my last name but I love my husband and wanted to show him so I added his name. I just wasn't willing to give up my own and he was supportive of that.

[scrapsakes]

If I get married, I'll keep my last name. I don't see any reason to change it. Unless of course the guy has a REALLY awesome last name like... "Awesome" or "Scrapbooker." I think it would be cool to be named "Leslie Scrapbooker" or "Leslie Awesome." "Leslie Pinklover" or "Leslie Hello Kitty" are equally awesome names. When I get my PhD, it would be HOT to be called Dr. Sexy or Dr. Cool.


But I doubt the future Mr. Leslie will have such a cool last name. So the probability that I will keep mine is like 99.9%.

ROFL!! this made me think of my HS english teacher,
mr. BARRY GOODE and i would totally LMAO
if you ended up being MRS. LESLIE GOODE... i mean,
how far-fetched can that be, right? i kid, i kid! LOL

oh yeah, another reason why i took up my dh's last name
is cuz i actually like that "castillo" means CASTLE and so i
declared myself the queen of the castle... capiche, eh?!

[letumom]

I'm in my third marriage. Each time, I've taken the hubby's last name and, when we were divorced, I went back to my maiden name. This time is the last time for me, forever. If he croaks before me, I still keep his last name. There's no way in this world that I'm ever getting married again!! Oh - and it really annoys dh that his ex kept his last name - I think she still keeps it because it makes him nuts!!

I'm in the same boat, except that the last one didn't want to keep the marriage going after only 18 months - his choice, not mine. When we got divorced, I decided to keep the name, because honestly, it took almost 18 months to change my driver's license, social security card, and passport! I wasn't about to start over again. I'll be honest though, that between marriages, I did not go back to my maiden name and for different reasons each time, that have already been mentioned here.



With the first it was because my dds had my husband's name, and it would have been confusing with teachers, day care workers, church, etc. As it was, once I remarried, they were the ones that had to correct people, because they became known as the "Holliday" girls - Holliday being my second dh's name. Only time we encountered the problem was when we got a marketing call at home directed to the parent of "dd's last name."



Then when the second divorce came around, I didn't want to give up that name because it had been my professional name for over 17 years, and I had some customers that had been with me for 15 of those 17 years. It was a very hard decision when I married again (thinking it would be the last time), to make the change, and initially I hyphenated it, to make it easier for my customers and work associates. Eventually, I just kept new name, and dropped the hyphenation (when I changed my credit cards, SS card, DL, and passport).



I'm with you, in that now I will fight getting married again - three strikes and you're out is my philosophy. I'm a much happier person now than I ever was before, so I know that I don't need a relationship to keep me happy.



Just my two cents.

[milmomma]

I'm a traditionalist in many ways. I believe marriage is a joining of two people. Love is the reason they join. So to me marriage is important. I love the idea of a small wedding to let your close friends/family know that this is the person you are devoted to for the rest of your life.
Last names- I took my husbands happily. I did not have a horrible last name and the married name was nothing special. To me it was a symbol of our marriage and I don't mind showing the world I love this man. Over all, with my husband in the military I can't even imagine not taking his name. The army doesn't recognize common law marriages, or long term couples or anything of that. So I've seen my share of quick marriages, I don't agree with them but understand.