Information

[beachlover]

Good morning ladies! Well, another Sunday. Sitting here with my coffee and I can see my scrappy tanle piled high with things that need to be sorted through and put away, yet I don't feel like working on it yet. A little more caffeing first


What is everyone else doing today?



Here is the advise/question I have.... Last night I went out with some guy for the first time. We met and have been talking/texting and emailing for a few weeks, but last night was our actual fisrt date. We already had lots of long talks, which in a way was a help in the 'getting to know you' process. He was extremely complimentary of me throughout the night, which I am very unused to. He's really nice and I do like him. I just get the feeling he's wanting to move a relationship along too fast and I do not have the desire to do so. I have had many bad relationships, a few where I end up being done wrong because I let people walk all over me.



So, here is my big question: should you feeel that instant surity that you really want to be with this person or do you think its normal for me to be feeling this back and forth thing? I already had one relationship where I was iunsure for a while how I truly felt about mt bf and then he started telling me he loved me, and I repeated it because I felt I needed to, ended up more loving the idea of being in love but did not love him! That ended oh so badly!!! I leave him for a guy I fall head over heels with that seemed to be my soulmate and we had everything in common. He is still in some part of my heart, even after 3 years. I just don't know what or how I should be feeling anymore. HELP!!!

[jodcold]

I've got my table cleared and am ready to start my next scrapping project; just trying to figure out what it will be. Also, I see a lot of housework staring me in the face and I am desperately trying not to look!

I am probably not one to ask for dating advise since I've been married 27 years next month and haven't dated for that long. I guess I would just advise you to take it as slow as you need too. Let him know you want to get to know him and be friends before making any serious commitments (you can always tell him you can't get too seriously too quickly because of your DS). Don't let him force or guilt you into anything you are not ready for (such as saying "I love you" back, etc).

If he is the one, he will be willing to wait until you are sure; if not, you're better off finding out now.

[Shanscraps]

Just be true to yourself! If you don't feel it don't say it, just be up front with him and move slow...

[Cimorosete]

First of all (((BIG HUGS))) Ann. Love can be so hard and complicated and it really is the simplest and purest thing. I think you need to follow your heart and take it slow. If he really likes you he will understand. Sometimes people are just so lonely that they tend to move into a new relationship too fast. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

[beachlover]

First of all (((BIG HUGS))) Ann. Love can be so hard and complicated and it really is the simplest and purest thing. I think you need to follow your heart and take it slow. If he really likes you he will understand. Sometimes people are just so lonely that they tend to move into a new relationship too fast. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

see, that is a little niggling worry in my mind too... I tend to over analyze everything and worry about EVERYTHING, but I also worry that because he had a bad divorce, he just wants a good relationship and since he sees me as so funny, sweet and honest, it is such a nice change for him



I do like him, we have a lot in common, but he is also not my usual type in some ways (maybe thats me overanalyzing again) - see that is why I am just really confused yet feeling this pressure!



one thing I am grateful for, between schedules and vacations, I won't see him until next weekend so it gives me time to think (and overalalyze )

[letumom]

Good morning, everyone!


Need to do the laundry I didn't do yesterday, then pack for a two night trip. If I have time, I'll try to get some scrapping in before I leave this afternoon. Since it stays light so long these days, I have up until 230 before I have to leave, for my 5 hour drive.



As for advice, having struck out like I have in the relationship department, I'm not a good resource, so I'm going to refrain.



Hope everyone has a great day!

[-Shannon-]

Just be true to yourself! If you don't feel it don't say it, just be up front with him and move slow...

Exactly what I was going to say.
And if he has a problem with you moving slow then you know it's not the right person to continue dating.

[milmomma]

Good morning. Not sure what is on the plan for today. Probably more cleaning.

Dating advice, I've never been a good dater. I've had a few long relationships and am now married. I will say follow your heart and your gut. If they say take is slow, then that is what I vote for. GL sweetie.

[jcsmaestra]

Just be true to yourself! If you don't feel it don't say it, just be up front with him and move slow...

Exactly what I was going to say.
And if he has a problem with you moving slow then you know it's not the right person to continue dating.

Good advice!



I'm relaxing today, maybe doing some scrapping, after a long, fun day out in the sun yesterday.

[Beth-W]

I cleaned up my scrapbooking area to start a project later. Doing stuff around the house. Nothing exciting.

I would say that you should let him know you want to take things slow. If he doesn't want to do that, then he isn't right for you in the first place. I think it is natural to be unsure.

[beachlover]

I cleaned up my scrapbooking area to start a project later. Doing stuff around the house. Nothing exciting.

I would say that you should let him know you want to take things slow. If he doesn't want to do that, then he isn't right for you in the first place. I think it is natural to be unsure.

all you girls are right! I am so not in the mood for drama! I just want something simple for a change!

[grifscap]

Moving slow is my advice. You heart will help you go the right way. But use the good sense God and your mother give you also.

[AnnOminous]

Some thoughts not in any organized order.....


Emailing and texting can and often do give a false sense of knowing some one. People are often very different in the flesh than in print. Telephone calls are better as far as getting to know some one - you do have the tone of voice clues that you don't have with print, but to really get to know some one there is no substitue for face to face time where you get the whole package of words, tone of voice, facial expression and body language. The non-verbal clues can make a big difference. It is entirely possible this guy is moving at what seems fast to you because all the emails and such have given him a false sense of knowing you and familiarity that you do not feel.



And then there's moving fast and there's moving fast - see how that looks strange without my tone of voice or any facial expression? I can put a but it really isn't the same as being face to face. But I digress with this illustration of my previous thought..... what I mean is that there is moving fast emotionally and there is moving fast physically. To women they are often one and the same thing, but to a whole lot of men they are two completely different things. (No, not all men are pigs, but enough men are pigs that they have lost the presumtion of innocence with me!) He could just be wanting to move fast physically and not emotionally. Or he could be faking an emotional connection in order to get the physical. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. He could be talking about one thing and you are thinking about the other and interpret it that way. Sometimes men think they are having a deep and meaniful conversation when all they have done is say a bunch of vague generalities with a lot of "you know" thrown in that could be interpreted a bunch of different ways. Don't be scared to say "no, I don't know what you mean, please explain further."



In fact, don't be scared to speak up and say anything. If that scares him off then you are better off without him anyway!!!

[AlwaysHappy]

Just be true to yourself! If you don't feel it don't say it, just be up front with him and move slow...

I agree with this advice.

[2boysma]

I have house guests staying in my guest room/scrapbooking room this whole week. I had to pick up
yesterday!!! I have cleaned, cooked, changed sheets and towels in my rooms today. I shopped for food.
Busy day. Thank you, Ann, for asking.

As for your situation--GUARD YOUR HEART. It is YOUR HEART. Guard it. Take your time. Do not apologize for doing so.
I am praying for you. Please keep us posted. You are worth it. He will need to realize that. Do not let him hurt you.
Confusion is not of God. That is in the Bible. Trust in the Lord. Delight in Him and HE will give you the desires of your heart.
That means your heart desires will be CLEAR to you...as you trust in HIM.

[lilkoala3]

Well, as a serial dater, I have plenty of advice for you! In fact, I've been on 4 dates in the last week, all with different men... Aye yi yi...

The first thing to remember is to be OPEN and HONEST with him. If you want to move slow, I would suggest telling him on your next date. Getting this out in the open EARLY will save any hurt feelings and give a head start to what might become a solid relationship. All you have to say is, "Bob, you're a great guy, I've really enjoyed our talks, and I really enjoyed our date, but I want to be honest with you. I'd like to take things slow for now. I hope that's okay with you." This way, he knows what to expect. Chances are, he's going to respect you for being so open.


Also, you might need to do a little soul searching to figure out what you mean by, "taking things slow." This can mean many different things. Do you mean you're not ready to start spending a large amount of time with someone? Do you mean that you're not willing to open up emotionally to someone? Do you mean you're not ready to commit to an exclusive relationship right now? In other words, you need to know what YOU want first before you can tell him what you want.



As for the compliment thing... Ann, you're a very sexy woman. Seriously. I think it's likely that you don't believe that. For me, I know that I feel uncomfortable when people give me compliments because I don't believe them. And, if he's giving you too many compliments to the point that it's making you uncomfortable, just tell him so. "Bob, thank you for all the nice things that you say to me about my appearance, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with the amount of compliments that you give me." HOWEVER, keep in mind that this is likely the way that he shows you that he cares and likes you.



Most of all, HAVE FUN! Dating is supposed to be enjoyable, and if it's not, something needs to change! Try not to overthink the situation and instead focus on getting to know the guy. I promise that if you do that, all the other stuff will become clear. I know that it's easy to let experiences from past relationships affect your current relationships. However, letting those experiences dictate how you act in your current relationships will lead to disaster. Learn from your past experiences, but don't let them lead you to fear taking a chance or getting to know someone.



I disagree with the person that said, "Guard your heart." I think if you enter a relationship with that mentality, you're going to be so closed off that you won't enjoy your time or allow your heart to open to something that might be a good thing. People get broken hearts. It sucks. Bad. But I don't think that that should keep us from taking chances. If you get hurt, you will heal. You will also learn.

[1grandma]

It is Monday now. But, it was a great Sunday for me and I hope it was for all of you.

[1momma]

Just be true to yourself! If you don't feel it don't say it, just be up front with him and move slow...

Exactly what I was going to say.
And if he has a problem with you moving slow then you know it's not the right person to continue dating.

So true. Great advice.

[beachlover]

Some thoughts not in any organized order.....


Emailing and texting can and often do give a false sense of knowing some one. People are often very different in the flesh than in print. Telephone calls are better as far as getting to know some one - you do have the tone of voice clues that you don't have with print, but to really get to know some one there is no substitue for face to face time where you get the whole package of words, tone of voice, facial expression and body language. The non-verbal clues can make a big difference. It is entirely possible this guy is moving at what seems fast to you because all the emails and such have given him a false sense of knowing you and familiarity that you do not feel.



And then there's moving fast and there's moving fast - see how that looks strange without my tone of voice or any facial expression? I can put a but it really isn't the same as being face to face. But I digress with this illustration of my previous thought..... what I mean is that there is moving fast emotionally and there is moving fast physically. To women they are often one and the same thing, but to a whole lot of men they are two completely different things. (No, not all men are pigs, but enough men are pigs that they have lost the presumtion of innocence with me!) He could just be wanting to move fast physically and not emotionally. Or he could be faking an emotional connection in order to get the physical. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. He could be talking about one thing and you are thinking about the other and interpret it that way. Sometimes men think they are having a deep and meaniful conversation when all they have done is say a bunch of vague generalities with a lot of "you know" thrown in that could be interpreted a bunch of different ways. Don't be scared to say "no, I don't know what you mean, please explain further."



In fact, don't be scared to speak up and say anything. If that scares him off then you are better off without him anyway!!!

he is looking for a seriouis relationship and he thinks we are prefect together because we have so much in common. Fine, that is a good thing for the long term if (and that is a BIG IF) he does end up being the one) if we do end up long term. I am no young chick, been through many relationships of all types so I am not naive. I just got this sense that he was reading all the pros as "we were meant to be" and on our first date wanted to do lots of hand holding and kissing, his chair nearly on top of mine. I am a very affectionate person, but FIRST DATE? He was not a turn off at all, but that is what I meant about feeling that he was moving too fast. I think he thought just because we've been speaking, it counted as dating!

[beachlover]

Well, as a serial dater, I have plenty of advice for you! In fact, I've been on 4 dates in the last week, all with different men... Aye yi yi...

The first thing to remember is to be OPEN and HONEST with him. If you want to move slow, I would suggest telling him on your next date. Getting this out in the open EARLY will save any hurt feelings and give a head start to what might become a solid relationship. All you have to say is, "Bob, you're a great guy, I've really enjoyed our talks, and I really enjoyed our date, but I want to be honest with you. I'd like to take things slow for now. I hope that's okay with you." This way, he knows what to expect. Chances are, he's going to respect you for being so open.


Also, you might need to do a little soul searching to figure out what you mean by, "taking things slow." This can mean many different things. Do you mean you're not ready to start spending a large amount of time with someone? Do you mean that you're not willing to open up emotionally to someone? Do you mean you're not ready to commit to an exclusive relationship right now? In other words, you need to know what YOU want first before you can tell him what you want.



As for the compliment thing... Ann, you're a very sexy woman. Seriously. I think it's likely that you don't believe that. For me, I know that I feel uncomfortable when people give me compliments because I don't believe them. And, if he's giving you too many compliments to the point that it's making you uncomfortable, just tell him so. "Bob, thank you for all the nice things that you say to me about my appearance, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with the amount of compliments that you give me." HOWEVER, keep in mind that this is likely the way that he shows you that he cares and likes you.



Most of all, HAVE FUN! Dating is supposed to be enjoyable, and if it's not, something needs to change! Try not to overthink the situation and instead focus on getting to know the guy. I promise that if you do that, all the other stuff will become clear. I know that it's easy to let experiences from past relationships affect your current relationships. However, letting those experiences dictate how you act in your current relationships will lead to disaster. Learn from your past experiences, but don't let them lead you to fear taking a chance or getting to know someone.



I disagree with the person that said, "Guard your heart." I think if you enter a relationship with that mentality, you're going to be so closed off that you won't enjoy your time or allow your heart to open to something that might be a good thing. People get broken hearts. It sucks. Bad. But I don't think that that should keep us from taking chances. If you get hurt, you will heal. You will also learn.

I understand absolutely everything you are telling me! And part of why I want to slow it down is because of some of my past experiences and I am still growing, learning and even healing from something. I know I have to have an open heart or I could lose something potentially wonderful. My biggest thing is to relax and not overthink everything, just enjoy it all!


Leslie, can I put you in charge of my love life?