Information

[Queen Mum]

This weekend Bud and I are hosting a party to say goodbye to a bunch of friends. It is worded this way





Gloria is finally retiring so we’re heading west to New Mexico

We hope you will come by to help us celebrate as we
embark on our new life adventure!

This is the actual wording of the invite



Gloria is finally retiring so we’re heading west to New Mexico
We hope you will come by to help us celebrate as we
embark on our new life adventure!

Sunday, June 14 between 1p and 5pm
The American Legion Hall on S Main St in White River Jct., Vt
Please RSVP by Thursday, June 4 to



We asked for RSVP's.

We emailed some invites and some I printed out and we handed out (to folks who do not have email)

We sent out about 90 invitations (That included multiple members of families and individuals)

WE've have several people respond saying they are bringing a 'date'. IT's not as if these people are a 'couple' - they just are inviting another person to come with them as a date.

Bud has heard people at the American Legion discussing the party and saying they planned to go - but they were NOT INVITED!


I have 70 people coming that we did invite. We are charged per head even though it's an open house.

I've friends email asking if SO and SO was invited because when they mentioned it the other person seemed to not know about it. Well, THEY WEREN"T INVITED.



Just because it's a friend of YOURS doesn't mean that although we might know who that person is, we are friends with them!
***************

quote="nene"]What appeared in your post at 1st was the words Open House. If I saw that, I would assume the same thing these people have. If it does not say that, then they suck. And you should borrow my boots. [/quote]
No, it doesn't say that in the invitation - I made it in red by accident.

I said Open House in this post as in meaning that they came stop by anytime between 1 and 5pm - not that there is a start at 1p that they need to arrive for and can't leave until 5p.

Sorry for messing this up.
My response was:

No, hadn't considered Don -don't know him that well and haven't seen him in years and years.

We kept the invites to people we see on a fairly regular basis or had close connections with. Had to draw some lines, I'm afraid.

She's annoyed. Well, SO am I!!!!



Bud knows lots of people at the Legion - and many of them are always willing to join in a party. I plan to call a friend of Bud's who is a bar tender (and an offender in bringing a 'date' - someone he knows but not all that well and someone Bud and I know by sight) and telling him that if he hears people talking about the party to remind them that the party is by invitation only and is limited to those people who actually received an invite.

We had 70 RSVP's from people we invited - and that's what I told the caterer. Now we have heard of about another 10 -15 people who plan to 'stop by'!

Any suggestions for these gate crashers?

Another thought I had is to put up signs at the door

PRIVATE PARTY - By invitation only!

[JulesinParadise]

Oh WOW ...that takes a lot of nerve. If it were an Open House as in free/come by when you can/ you'd have put an ad in the paper or something. I have no advise for you but sure wish I did.

[Grandma Flowers]

What a pickle! My only advice would be to get with the caterer and see what they can do to help. Sometimes they plan on a few people more and it won't change your budget. Good luck!

[terri04]

I love the sign idea. Otherwise, I want to think these people just want to wish you well & not just attend a free party because someone else they are friends with are going. I can see where people would want to bring a date to a party, they are probably not even thinking about it costing you extra. Go with the sign.
No matter what, I hope you have a wonderful time.

[sherry]

Well, Emily Post would tell you that rudeness showed by others does not allow you to be rude and she would definitely nix the sign you want to post. I guess you have to weigh the thought, "Do I care?". I have had MANY gatherings at my home and have been utterly amazed at the thoughtlessness, rudeness and ignorance many people display. I'm frankly surprised you actually received that many RSVPs- I can't even get people to do that! They don't seem to realize what it means. I've had people show up at catered affairs with 2 and 3 extra guests, people I did not even know! I finally got to the point where I only have over close friends and then only seldom, which is dissapointing to me because I love to host stuff, but I got so sick of the rudeness.


Talk to the caterer- they could bump it up 10 or so and you'd be covered, also, you'd probably be fine even without bumping the food amounts up and some will hopefully just stop in and wish you well and be on their way. Good luck- it is a maddening situation!

[Queen Mum]

IF the people bringing 'dates' were part of a couple (People who regularly dated) we invited the 'date'. Three of the people who asked if they could bring someone else are people who go to other functions on their own.
Thank goodness this is a 'cash bar'. We do think that most of the extras coming think there is an open bar - and that is the draw - not Bud and Gloria.

[BeatrizS]

I hate when people do that. I hope no one gets offended but usually spanish people have the bad habit of doing that all the time (hey im spanish and im speaking from experience.) Its kind of late since the invitations went out already but for next time what i do is I put the peoples names that are invited on the envelope. ex. Mary, Bob, laura. I dont put So and So's AND family cause if not that means even the inlaws are coming. Since you are already stuck in the situation what i would do is when people rsvp and they say 3 and you know that you invited 1 tell them because this is a catered party and the numbers are in already i cant add anyone else. Good luck! and have a great party...

(Guess i wasn't envited) im showing up anyway...lol

[handerful]

I am suprised you got that many RSVPS, too. What are you serving? dinner? or just appetizers? I think you'll be fine if you leave your number as is. You will have people who did RSVP not show...


It seems like things are too "relaxed" and people these days don't know proper etiquite. While it's not right, people don't like to go to parties alone, and usually assume that bringing a date is appropriate.

[Art_Teacher]

Yes, people are very rude these days, and it does cause a problem for you. I do think, though, that according to the way your invite was worded (It is an Open House from 1-5) might have confused some people. When I see Open House I don't think that an rsvp is needed, just helpful in gauging numbers and that it is okay for people to drop by. But, after reading your post, I believe what you meant was that people do not need to stay the whole time and it isn't a sit-down dinner. Luckily, you are having a cash bar, so those who want to stay will and those who don't will stop by and leave. The person who posted that some of those rsvp's may not make it is probably right, plus, I have found that people don't always eat as much as they are counted for, so you should be okay on the food. Try not to get too stressed out and enjoy your retirement party! Congrats!

[nene]

I agree that it sucks that people have assumed that they could come, but you set yourself up for it by your wording.


Dictionary.com's definition of :open house 


–noun
[table] [tr] [td]1.[/td] [td]a party or reception during which anyone who wishes may visit to share in a celebration, meet a special guest, etc.[/td][/tr][/table] [table] [tr] [td]2.[/td] [td]a time during which a school, institution, etc., is open to the public for exhibition or for some specific occasion.[/td][/tr][/table] [table] [tr] [td]3.[/td] [td]a house hospitably open to all friends who may wish to visit it.[/td][/tr][/table]





Hope it all works out.

[Queen Mum]

I think the reason we got so many people who RSVP's is because they are CLOSE to us.

[Queen Mum]

I agree that it sucks that people have assumed that they could come, but you set yourself up for it by your wording.


Dictionary.com's definition of :open house 


–noun
[table] [tr] [td]1.[/td] [td]a party or reception during which anyone who wishes may visit to share in a celebration, meet a special guest, etc.[/td][/tr][/table] [table] [tr] [td]2.[/td] [td]a time during which a school, institution, etc., is open to the public for exhibition or for some specific occasion.[/td][/tr][/table] [table] [tr] [td]3.[/td] [td]a house hospitably open to all friends who may wish to visit it.[/td][/tr][/table]



I did not use the term OPEN HOUSE in the invite - so I am hoping that makes a difference


The actual wording is



Gloria is finally retiring so we’re heading west to New Mexico
We hope you will come by to help us celebrate as we
embark on our new life adventure!

Sunday, June 14 between 1p and 5pm
The American Legion Hall on S Main St in White River Jct., Vt
Please RSVP by Thursday, June 4 to




Hope it all works out.

[bluetulip]

Goodness what a conudrum! I wish I could offer some advice but I've never been in this kind of situation. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[nene]

What appeared in your post at 1st was the words Open House. If I saw that, I would assume the same thing these people have. If it does not say that, then they suck. And you should borrow my boots.

[JeanG]

No matter what Emily Post or anyone else would say, I think your sign on the door is the best idea now - you don't have time to call all the rude, stupid, annoying people who think they can bring a guest along. I would send out another email and tell all the invited friends to be sure to bring their invite, and if they no longer have it, send them a copy so they can get in. Put someone you trust at the door - someone who will check invitations and refuse to admit those without invites. I suggest a big biker dude with chains and an attitude if you can find one! Otherwise someone who will be firm or hire a Pinkerton or other security person.

[ctaylor0312]

You might want to send out another email to the invitees telling them to bring their invitation, persons wo one will not be permitted to enter seeing your being charged per head.


Or post on the outside of the door: "By invitation only!"

[mykidsmom]

I have to agree with Laura and Nene, an open house suggests just that. At this point I would slightly up the count to the caterer and just have a good time! Be thankful that so many people want to stop by and say goodbye. This is the last time that you will see everyone since you are closing this chapter of your life. Celebrate and don't forget to take lots of pictures

[Queen Mum]

I have to agree with Laura and Nene, an open house suggests just that. At this point I would slightly up the count to the caterer and just have a good time! Be thankful that so many people want to stop by and say goodbye. This is the last time that you will see everyone since you are closing this chapter of your life. Celebrate and don't forget to take lots of pictures

Yes, we are lucky to have so many good friends.

It's only those people we don't really know coming in for free food that bother me. I just found out that there was a party a couple weeks ago where some people crashed it and the family of the people having the party called the police!

Sounds like the Legion is going to have to find a way to let members know that outside functions are not open to Legion members.

[1grandma]

Happy Retirement! Try to enjoy your party.

[sylgise5]

I have to agree with Laura and Nene, an open house suggests just that. At this point I would slightly up the count to the caterer and just have a good time! Be thankful that so many people want to stop by and say goodbye. This is the last time that you will see everyone since you are closing this chapter of your life. Celebrate and don't forget to take lots of pictures

Sorry about the unexpected guest but I agree with Laura and Nene.