Information

[JeanG]

It's hard when your family is toxic for you. I would neither visit nor call nor send a card. "All" I do for people in my family who are like that is pray for them. Prayers are a lot, because when many people pray for one person it can make such a difference, IMO. You don't need to set yourself up yet again with her or her dh.

[Grandma Flowers]

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. My only advice would be to just not regret whatever decision you make.

[AlwaysHappy]

You could make a donation to the American Heart Association in her name and I think they will send her a little card saying you made the donation. That way you wouldn't have to communicate with her directly. The association can do that. The money you spend will go to a good cause and how could she complain about that since she's layed up in the hospital with a bad heart. Just a thought.

[Wheeliegirl]

It's hard when your family is toxic for you. I would neither visit nor call nor send a card. "All" I do for people in my family who are like that is pray for them. Prayers are a lot, because when many people pray for one person it can make such a difference, IMO. You don't need to set yourself up yet again with her or her dh.

I agree! (((Hugs)))

[Shanscraps]

I would just pray for her, and hope for the best, but I wouldn't have any contact with her...

[jaziscrapper]

If she has had that affect on you, then I say pray from afar and leave it at that.

[stephfez]

Just because she is a relative does not mean you should go. Like you said...it is a toxic relationship...I would stay away.

Having lived through an abusive relationship with my mom I have to agree with this. Self protection is what I recommend.

[imwickedwitch]

Uh... My real opinion is that your Aunt Marion, hospitalized or not, can suck it. You're too good to have to deal with her crap.

I could not agree more. Send a generic card and call it good.

[jazzyscrapper]

I too would send a card, say a prayer and put it behind you. What a shame some people aren't happy with themselves so have to make others feel bad too.

[KBeachy]

I would send her a card with no expectations. It doesn't mean you want or need to see her, just that you hope she gets better. It'll also make you the bigger person in this. Plus you won't have to spend time worrying if you should have sent a card or not. I don't think it could hurt. I'll pray for you and hope you find the guidance you need.

[cynderellaj]

I must say that since I've cut my ties with that branch of the family that I've been happier and less stressed. I do have a debt of gratitude because even those harsh ugly days of living there have taught me some good things. And I'm grateful that I've been able to put aside at least most of my bitterness (thanks to a great therapist) and get on with the wonderful life I have now.

You are an amazing person if you can feel like this about that relationship and not hold a grudge like I would do. You deserve super kudos for going to therapy and dealing with this and coming out on the other side. You truly are blessed and your aunt doesn't know what she is missing out on by not talking to you.

Now....could I have the name of that therapist....I think I need him/her

[blaznpat]

I sort of know what you are going through. I haven't spoken to my brother since the day we buried my mother 5 yrs ago May 2nd. I kept the family together for her sake, most of the time that she was alive. He decided to have a fight with the family on the funeral day, trying to strangle my daughter, getting in my uncle's face, along with a few others, including me. He is 6 yrs younger then me and my sisters are 8 and 9 yrs older then me. So I am the baby girl but they all listen to me. He got in my face and threatened me but I don't back down, never have and never will. So his version of the story goes, everybody started with him and he is not a fault for what happened. I do know that he is ill and I pass a message to him through my oldest sister, I never get a reply. I just want him to appoligize for what he did that day...but knowing him he never will.
So, if you really want to be miserable, go there. I personally would not waste my time anymore. Life is toooooo short now. We know you care, but where will it get you? Hurt again...Sorry for my chatter.

My prayers are with you.

[Emsdancemom]

You have done everything you could do. You wouldn't take a bath in a vat of acid so why put yourself through any more of this?

[Queen Mum]

It's hard to know what is the "right" decision. But you already know the answer. You have that fear of your Aunt for a reason. Only you know if it is rational or irrational for sure. I'll trust your judgment on this one. And you should too!

Hugs! Doing the "right" thing isn't always easy.
(and that can mean staying away, too!)
Thinking about it, it says a lot that you are willing to jump into Aunt Marion's fire again to comfort her, when she has shown you nothing but negative feelings.

Yeah - I do do that. Forget the past crap when someone needs help. And then end up getting crapped on again later. But I still do what feels right at the time.

Right now it feels right to stay away and protect myself.

But I like the idea of writing a letter. I may send it after I move. I may not send it at all - but it does help me to write things out.



I'd only send that letter if I can write one that is forgiving rather than a venting of all the hurts. I'm still working on that part of me. I know things about her kids that would give her another heart attack if she knew about them (especially her daughter's abortion when she was 17!) Her beloved son in law groping me, her eldest son had lots of affairs, etc. But I cannot stoop that low.

I should have learned all this earlier in my life. I remember her telling me that my daughter was far too sure of herself (My daughter was 5 years old at the time!) and I needed to take her down a few pegs.

WTF???





As I said to Aunt Marie - why can't she just be happy that of all the kids that lived under her roof that I did so well?

And because I can't change her opinion of me it's best I stay away and avoid that poison.

[scrapaholic]

I agree with your stance and would do nothing, you reached out a year ago and heard nothing. Do what is best for you and you alone in this situations.

[doglady]

As long as you won't feel guilt later (would have should have) I think you need to do what your heart says. If it causes you pain and she is as you say than just leave it alone. Our gut feelings are usually right.