So how 'bout some marriage jokes and quotes!

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - George Burns.

"Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution." - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), British philosopher, Marriage and Morals.

"Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they be married too." - H. L. Mencken.

In California, there's a 6-month waiting period for filing for divorce, but only a 15-day waiting period for buying a handgun. It's nice to know the government is giving us advice on how to work out our problems." - Matt Sullivan.

"If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books." - Alan King.

"It is best for ordinary men to have only one wife !" - Emperor Akbar the Great of India (1542-1605) who had 300 wives and 5000 concubines.

"Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage." - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest." - Professor Irwin Corey.

"Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up." - Evelyn Hendrickson.

"Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers." - Richard Pryor.

"Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them." - Sydney Smith.

"My wife was in labor with our first child for thirty-two hours and I was faithful to her the whole time." - Jonathan Katz.

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates.

"I still miss my Ex, But my aim is getting better" - Bumper sticker.

"Many men owe their success to their first wife... and their second wife to their success!" - Jim Backus.

"Terrorism? I don't give a ****: I've been married 2 years." - Sam Kinison.