If I saw an alien," Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher once declared, "I'd tell him to f--- right off, because whatever planet he came from, they wouldn't have the Beatles."
Despite his worship of the Beatles as musicians, however, Liam was at best ambivalent about the Beatles as human beings. "When I meet George Harrison," he once explained, "I'm gonna stand on his head and play golf. I'm gonna do me Roy Castle impersonation on his head. So who wants a fight? Any old fart who's allowed out of the rest home wants a fight with me, yeah? After I've had me steak and kidney pie, I'll be ready."

Liam also had words for the Rolling Stones: "Keith, Mick and any other old bag who decides to get out of bed in the morning to slag us off. Dirty old nipple. Sweaty old mushroom. I wanna meet you in the middle of Primrose Hill. Thursday afternoon, 12 o'clock, on the green."

Finally, Liam extended an invitation to all of the band's detractors, threatening to use an unusual weapon. "The main thing we're talking about here is this: Any d--- who wants it, regardless of what time or day or what shoes I've got on. Anyone who wants a rumble will get it because the man is mad for it and that's the end of it. I don't like fighting but you've not been slagged off like me. And there'll be no big chaps around, man. Just me and me d---, man. And I'll hit him with me knob..."



--
Edited for inappropriate language - nelsoc

In June 1989, 38-year-old storm chaser [Steve Melvin] from Madison, Ohio, got bolted at the exact moment he was snapping a photo. The lightning melted the camera down the front of his tripod, but the film remained intact. The final exposure shows a ghostly outline of a human framed in lightning. But Melvin was on the other end of the lens. 'I've heard all the guesses. Some say it was me having an out-of-body experience. Some say it was my grandmother coming down from heaven to push me out of the way of the lightning. Some say it was a glimpse of an entirely different dimension. I'll never know.'"

[After the incident, Melvin (who vowed never again to chase a storm) found that his beeper's lithium batteries, which usually last for several months, always expired within a few days

Lev Laundau who treated everyone else as a fool, found his match in
Pauli. After explaining his work to a sceptical Pauli, he angrily demanded
whether Pauli thought his ideas were nonsense. "Not at all, not at all",
came the reply. "Your ideas are so confused I cannot tell whether they are nonsense or not."

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

One day on the set, John Rich had enormous difficulty with a certain outdoor shot. Each take was marred by some sort of intrusive noise - barking dogs, passing jets, honking cars...
"Why," a curious observer wondered, "do you persist in shooting the same scene so many times?" "Madam," Rich replied, venting his exasperation, "have you stopped to consider how many cinemas there are in this country?"