Information

[Flasher]

I put this in the debate forum because it has to do with religion. I don't acticipate this turning into a debate, but you just never know.


My kids have been friends with the Smith kids for many years (10+). The kids had play dates, attended parties, holiday functions, had sleepovers, etc. My kids are 9 and 13 - the 4 Smith kids range in age from 6 - 16.



A couple of years ago, Mother Smith decided the she and her family were now Jehovah's Witnesses. She very thoroughly explained how things would change. She said that they would no longer be celebrating birthdays or holidays, and that meant that I should no longer invite their family to any of these types of functions. She said play dates and sleepovers were no problem. For a couple of years, things ran pretty smoothly. But now, we are running into "problems".



When the Smith kids invite my kids over, the are not so happy when my children cannot come over, especially when it is something related to a celebration or holiday. As an example, they wanted my kids to come over for a movie party the day before Easter, but my kids were participating in and helping with the Lions Club Easter Egg hunt. That caused them to "poke" at my kids for celebrating Easter. And, just this past Saturday, my kids again couldn't play with the Smith kids because my kids were attending a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. My son told me that Smith kid A told my son that he should not be attending birthday parties. The Smith kids are kind of starting to talk a lot about their religion and my kids are starting to feel uncomfortable. I have been very accomodating (in my opinion) with the Smith family. I've tried very hard to remember what makes them uncomfortable and what days they would like to have visits on.



My problem is this - I think my kids are to the point that they don't really want to spend any time with the Smith kids. I know I should just let this play out and let the chips fall where they may, but these kids have literally grown up together. It just breaks my heart to think that these little friendships that started so long ago might be crumbling.



Do you think it would be offensive for me to talk to Mrs. Smith and express that I would like to keep our religious differences out of our children's friendships and get-togethers? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and let things happen as they may?

[Retiree3]

In my (granted, limited) experience with Jehovah's witnesses, they believe theirs is the only true religion and part of their responsibility in the faith is to share and recruit others to their way of thinking. That's part of the door to door "evangelizing" that they as a community perform. They are also taught they should not associate with others outside of the Jehovah's witness community, and the mom might well be the one preaching that line of thought to the kids. I may be skeptical, but I'm not sure talking with the mom about these issues is going to change anything. And I wouldn't force my kids to spend time with other kids who make them uncomfortable. Sometimes, things which are longstanding give way to the forces of change...I suspect this might be one of them.

I've had some experience in the past with Jehovah's Witnesses and I totally agree with you.

[glo85cam]

I think I would try to talk to the mom first, but I agree, it may not make any difference. I also would not encourage the kids to spend time there if it makes them uncomfortable.

[Jenn Kellams]

I know basically nothing about the religion, but religion aside, just with any other "social or politaical issue" sometimes people change. I would say let it play out. It is unfortunate that they may loose friendships over this but I would let the kids "choose" if they want to continue hanging out with them. If your children begin to ask questions, just explain to them what is going on and let them make the decision for themselves. If they are uncomfortable with the Smith family, they will choose on their own to not be a part of it. I am not sure speaking to the mom will do any good.

[PezKat]

I pretty much agree w/the others... your kids are probably old enough to decide for themselves if continuing the relationships is worth the hassle. If the mom asks why things change you can tell her but doesn't sound like it's necessary right now.

Good luck! The hardest thing we've had to deal with is making sure to serve non-caffeinated drinks at family gatherings the Mormon family members attend. (Well, that and not being able to attend a wedding since we're not allowed in the temple, but whatever! They had a reception for everyone later.)

My husband grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. He left the church when he was about 19. I would suggest talking to the other mother. While it may do nothing in the way the "smith children" treat your children, you will know that you did your best to keep the friendships going. If it doesn't workout, then let the chips fall where they may. Later in life who knows, things may change for them. I know that for my husband, there were kids that made fun of him when they were kids and now we socialize and are friends with some of those people.... not just because he left the church.


What I find interesting about that church is that while members of the church, including my husband's own family who are still members, are not allowed to associate with him, they can with my daughter and I because we were never members. Of course, some have tried to turn us to their side, to no avail. But one SIL and I got along quite well while they still lived in Sitka. I used to take Bethany up to their house frequently to visit and get to know her cousins.



Very strange religion. . . my BIL's son just got married last month. My BIL who is no longer with the church was asked not to attend by the bride's family. Now that is what gets me .. . believe what you want, but family comes first.

[LyndaKay]

Let it play out.
And as an aside, my experience with Jehovah's Witnesses has been nothing but wonderful. One dear woman has been coming to see me for 25 years and has become a friend, even though I don't study with her or belong to her religion. She just cares about my soul and salvation and certainly doesn't push anything on me, nor has she ever mentioned that she can not associate with me, a non-member. She certainly cares more about my relationship with and my knowledge of God than the priests and ministers that my DH and I have associated with. She's a peach!

[meteechtap]

I would try to talk to Mom Smith just so you know you tried every angle for your kids relationships. I am sorry to hear that the Smith Kids are already tring to tell
your children what they belive they should not do. I hope for all the kids sake there is some way to help the situation. Good Luck.

[grirosa]

In my (granted, limited) experience with Jehovah's witnesses, they believe theirs is the only true religion and part of their responsibility in the faith is to share and recruit others to their way of thinking. That's part of the door to door "evangelizing" that they as a community perform. They are also taught they should not associate with others outside of the Jehovah's witness community, and the mom might well be the one preaching that line of thought to the kids. I may be skeptical, but I'm not sure talking with the mom about these issues is going to change anything. And I wouldn't force my kids to spend time with other kids who make them uncomfortable. Sometimes, things which are longstanding give way to the forces of change...I suspect this might be one of them.

I agree with you, on the other hand, we have an employee who's a Jehova's witness, and we get along quite well with her, eventhough she doesn't participate on anything the rest of us do for celebrating x-mas, thanksgiving, etc. What I find a little odd is that the Smiths sill want the friendship with your kids. I would let the thing go as they might and see what happens.

[JDs Mom]

Wow--tough one. I think it would be really difficult to tell someone that "my kids don't want to play with your kids anymore because your kids are pushing the religion to the point that it's making them uncomfortable"...and difficult to hear on the other end, as well. I think diplomacy will serve you well with this one. I don't envy you. We dropped out of a cub scout pack we formed for something similar--needless to say we were not the ones with the fundmentalist beliefs. There are certain lines that can be crossed. Sounds like you're about up to that line. I hope if you do talk to Mrs. Smith about the subject that it goes well--she may not even be aware that her kids are pressuring yours. But if she is and is not willing to keep the religious differences out of the kids' activities, at least you can feel good that you tried. Good Luck!!

[JeanG]

Nancy said it for me, too. (Even though she didn't know it. )

[Karenscraps]

In my (granted, limited) experience with Jehovah's witnesses, they believe theirs is the only true religion and part of their responsibility in the faith is to share and recruit others to their way of thinking. That's part of the door to door "evangelizing" that they as a community perform. They are also taught they should not associate with others outside of the Jehovah's witness community, and the mom might well be the one preaching that line of thought to the kids. I may be skeptical, but I'm not sure talking with the mom about these issues is going to change anything. And I wouldn't force my kids to spend time with other kids who make them uncomfortable. Sometimes, things which are longstanding give way to the forces of change...I suspect this might be one of them.

I have to agree. I don't know any Jehovah's witness but I have heard that they aren't supposed to associate with anyone outside their religion. If the kids don't feel comfortable around the Smith kids slowly take them out of the situtation so in the long run their pride and self esteem aren't hurt by these kids talking bad about the celebrations they go to whether it be holidays or birthdays.

[Flasher]

Thanks for all of the input. I was thinking more about this last night and I'm wondering if the comments from the Smith kids are just "anger" at my kids, rather than a recitation about their religion. What I mean is this - the Smith kids went from celebrating every holiday and every birthday to nothing - all within a matter of a couple of weeks. Their daughter had just celebrated her 14th birthday, we all celebrated at Christmas with large parties, get togethers and gift exchanges. Then January 1 came and it was finished. I'm wondering now if being reminded that other kids still do these things makes the Smith kids sad or angry, and not really a "religious lesson" for my kids. A life change like that has to be hard, especially on little kids. But, maybe I'm just reaching to far for a reason.


Funny thing about this, the adults never seem to need to discuss our religious differences. They pretty much laid out what they needed from us and that was that. Once or twice, she left pamphlets behind, but never has she pushed. So, since I can't really make an unfair judgment that she's informing her kids that my kids are "bad", I guess I'll just let the kids work it out. I'm not worried about the teenagers. I'm worried about the younger ones being able to work through such a touchy issue.

[immom2anc]

I was thinking more about this last night and I'm wondering if the comments from the Smith kids are just "anger" at my kids, rather than a recitation about their religion... A life change like that has to be hard, especially on little kids.

I was actually going to say the same thing. Kids don't usually "push" their views on others, but they will express the differences, like "Well, we do this at our house..." type statements. I do understand how your kids feel though, I had a friend growing up that we'd do everything together, except she went to church on Sundays & camp for 6 weeks in the summer. She'd come back from camp and we'd have a rough time getting along for a few weeks because she was always talking about what she did while she was gone (without me). It made me sad to know that she had had that much fun & I couldn't be part of it. But at 8 years old you don't know how to express those feelings. So we'd bicker & fight for a week or two until we worked it all out. I vote for leaving it up to the kids. Ask them how they feel & if they want to hang out with the Smith family or not. Then go from there. Maybe it means cutting back on playdates or visits while they decide how they feel about it. If the Smith kids are truly being mean about it though, by all means, step in. Its your right as mom to make sure your children aren't feeling bullied or pressured to hang out with the kids. Good luck!