I have a friend who is getting married soon and she is seriously debating about changing her name. Im on the fence about this one myself. I changed my name because I feel like it makes us more of a family. And I think it is just convenient that people know I am Ellie's mom because we have the same last name. If we didnt I would feel like I had to explain myself all the time, "Hi. Im megan blah, Ellie's mom" I mean, I guess I say that anyway, but that was my reasoning. I also feel like as for women's lib and all that - the fact that we have the choice is what empowers us. If we were forced to keep our old names that would be as bad as being forced to keep new ones right? I dunno.
This woman thinks that her name is her identity and she likes her name, she is used to it, and it is unique. and it says something about her heritage. If she changes it, her name will be much more common, although I wouldnt call it common, it isnt like smith or anything. still, her current name is REALLY unique.
and then here is this article that I just found
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflif ... index.html
so, debate...
Chocolate Covered Cherry
The last time I was engaged (1997), it was my intention to keep my maiden name. I was old enough that I was really use to being called that. And like your friend there was an ethnic heritage with my last name that I would of lost with my fiance's common British last name. Also, I had at that time worked for a decade to build up name recognition as a cocker spaniel breeder and did not care to start over with that.
Now that I'm even older I feel even more set in my ways and wouldn't want to change - though I sure could do without all the telemarketers calling me in Spanish!
Now that I'm even older I feel even more set in my ways and wouldn't want to change - though I sure could do without all the telemarketers calling me in Spanish!
Cherry Jubilee
I am all for hyphinating the name.... or taking his name as your last name and moving your last name up to your middle name. In the age of so many divorces and re-marriages and step everything, I do not think having the same last name is that important. I chose to take dh's last name...no real reason.
Wild Cherry
I couldn't wait to move from a T to a B.
I am shallow that way
My maiden name is associated with a product on the market...I couldn't wait to be dis-associated with it
I am shallow that way
My maiden name is associated with a product on the market...I couldn't wait to be dis-associated with it
~pam~
Cherry Jubilee
When I got married, I changed my last name (even though it kinda rhymed....). If I ever do get married again, I think I am just going to keep my maiden name. It's just easier to not have to switch everything around. I think that if she likes her name and the herritage with it, she should either hyphenate (depending on how long it would end up) or just keep her same name.
Em
My blog
My blog
Cherry Cola
Well my parents didn't give me a middle name so that if one day I did get married I could use my maiden name as a middle if I wanted to do that. (Smart thinking on their part.) So it's cool cause now my middle name is my "old" last name and leagally I can go by both names.
I wanted to change my name when I was married because for me it also symbolizes "family" and I wanted the same last name as my children have. I don't think anything bad of women who want to hyphenate or keep their own family name, I think it's a personal choice.
I wanted to change my name when I was married because for me it also symbolizes "family" and I wanted the same last name as my children have. I don't think anything bad of women who want to hyphenate or keep their own family name, I think it's a personal choice.
-If it's scrappy it makes me happy!
Cherry Jubilee
I hyphenated my last name (maiden-married name). Talk about unique! It is a pain sometimes since it's long but there was no way I was giving up my maiden name. Dh didn't care if I took his name or not. My sister kept her maiden name. It all a matter of personal choice.
Cherry Cola
janello wrote:Well my parents didn't give me a middle name so that if one day I did get married I could use my maiden name as a middle if I wanted to do that. (Smart thinking on their part.) So it's cool cause now my middle name is my "old" last name and leagally I can go by both names.
I wanted to change my name when I was married because for me it also symbolizes "family" and I wanted the same last name as my children have. I don't think anything bad of women who want to hyphenate or keep their own family name, I think it's a personal choice.
oh yeah I kept my maiden name as my middle name, I probably should have mentioned that. I didnt want to let it go. now I wonder - what was the point really. but then, yeah I was young, just out of college when I got married and this woman is 30ish. now I think it sounds funny when I hear my maiden name, whereas when I was getting married I thought my married name sounded funny - what a difference a decade makes
Cherry Cola
I changed my name. For me it was just something i wanted to do. When I got divorces - I changed it back. I think it is becoming more accepted though for a woman to not change her name. I think in the case I ever remarry I will keep my name until children come into the picture in which case yes I would want to have the same last name as my child.
The article was interesting - thanks for sharing.
The article was interesting - thanks for sharing.
Cherry Jubilee
I used to hate my last name... always thought I would change it. Then somewhere in college it merged with my first name in a sort of joke from a friend and it stuck. It became my identity as I discovered who I really was.
When I got married I was a little indifferent about it but thought I would change it for the old "to be a family" reason. Well, I was lazy, honestly. I just never bothered to deal with all the crap you have to go through to make the name change. And somewhere along the way I discovered I don't actually *want* to change it anymore. I still don't love my last name but it is ME and I hate the patriarchal idea that in some way I need to "become my husband's wife" rather than just be me, who happens to be married to my husband.
Our son will get my husband's last name but in this modern age of divorces, single parents, and women with careers I have no doubt that I won't be alone as a mom with a different last name from her kid.
A funny: this summer DH and I were at a baseball game with my mom, mom's significant other, and my brother (half brother, whatever). They were playing a game and the first question they were asking fans was what their names were... everyone gave one last name. I started laughing when I realized that if we were asked that question we would have to answer FIVE different last names! My name, my DH's, my mom's maiden name, her significant other's name, and my brother's name, which is my mom's first husband's!
When I got married I was a little indifferent about it but thought I would change it for the old "to be a family" reason. Well, I was lazy, honestly. I just never bothered to deal with all the crap you have to go through to make the name change. And somewhere along the way I discovered I don't actually *want* to change it anymore. I still don't love my last name but it is ME and I hate the patriarchal idea that in some way I need to "become my husband's wife" rather than just be me, who happens to be married to my husband.
Our son will get my husband's last name but in this modern age of divorces, single parents, and women with careers I have no doubt that I won't be alone as a mom with a different last name from her kid.
A funny: this summer DH and I were at a baseball game with my mom, mom's significant other, and my brother (half brother, whatever). They were playing a game and the first question they were asking fans was what their names were... everyone gave one last name. I started laughing when I realized that if we were asked that question we would have to answer FIVE different last names! My name, my DH's, my mom's maiden name, her significant other's name, and my brother's name, which is my mom's first husband's!
Chocolate Covered Cherry
I think it is a personal decision! If you become a doctor or lawyer before your married, your stuck with your maiden name in business. And most of my contemporaries kept their maiden names after marriage if they did receive their degrees as a lawyer or doctor. They always introduced themselves as Mrs. <husband's last name> in social circles.
To go from a Bohemian Czech name to and English name was nice for me. Trust me you wouldn't believe how a name so simple could get so screwed up! I can remember my BFF and I laughing we would trade places in the alphabet when we were in high school. Mine near the bottom and hers at the top. We both dropped one letter in the alphabet.
On the lighter side Texas has a huge number of German Bohemian and Czech Bohemian last names. I had a boss with a Czech Bohemian last name and he was surprised when I pronounced it correctly the first time I met him. He asked how I knew. So I told him. A "w" in Czech and Polish last names is pronouced a "v".
To go from a Bohemian Czech name to and English name was nice for me. Trust me you wouldn't believe how a name so simple could get so screwed up! I can remember my BFF and I laughing we would trade places in the alphabet when we were in high school. Mine near the bottom and hers at the top. We both dropped one letter in the alphabet.
On the lighter side Texas has a huge number of German Bohemian and Czech Bohemian last names. I had a boss with a Czech Bohemian last name and he was surprised when I pronounced it correctly the first time I met him. He asked how I knew. So I told him. A "w" in Czech and Polish last names is pronouced a "v".
Bowl Full of Cherries
If I get married, I'll keep my last name. I don't see any reason to change it. Unless of course the guy has a REALLY awesome last name like... "Awesome" or "Scrapbooker." I think it would be cool to be named "Leslie Scrapbooker" or "Leslie Awesome." "Leslie Pinklover" or "Leslie Hello Kitty" are equally awesome names. When I get my PhD, it would be HOT to be called Dr. Sexy or Dr. Cool.
But I doubt the future Mr. Leslie will have such a cool last name. So the probability that I will keep mine is like 99.9%.
But I doubt the future Mr. Leslie will have such a cool last name. So the probability that I will keep mine is like 99.9%.
Leslie
Cherry Bomb
If not change your name and become a family. Why bother getting married? I do however believe in some circumstances it would be appropriate for the man to take the wife's name.
Joyce
Bowl Full of Cherries
I think most people would agree that getting married is about much more than a name change.Ashjoy wrote:If not change your name and become a family. Why bother getting married? I do however believe in some circumstances it would be appropriate for the man to take the wife's name.
Leslie
Cherry Jubilee
I agree.lilkoala3 wrote:I think most people would agree that getting married is about much more than a name change.Ashjoy wrote:If not change your name and become a family. Why bother getting married? I do however believe in some circumstances it would be appropriate for the man to take the wife's name.
Em
My blog
My blog
Cherry Jubilee
Ashjoy wrote:If not change your name and become a family. Why bother getting married? I do however believe in some circumstances it would be appropriate for the man to take the wife's name.
Hrm. Yeah, I didn't get married because I wanted a new name! I got married because I was/am desperately in love with my husband and wanted to make that commitment of the heart and law. Plus there are of course the many social and practical perks of being a married person. And the awesome party you get to throw.
Cherry Cola
lilkoala3 wrote:I think most people would agree that getting married is about much more than a name change.Ashjoy wrote:If not change your name and become a family. Why bother getting married? I do however believe in some circumstances it would be appropriate for the man to take the wife's name.
it's interesting that this should come up. the same woman who I asked about already - they already own a house together, she doesnt want a religious service, she doesnt want vows at all, she doenst want anyone AT the wedding. I said, "dont you want to make a public promise?" she said, "promises are made to be broken" I said, "well dont you want to make a declaration of your love in front of your loved ones?" she said, "I dont care if anyone else knows how we feel, WE know and that's all that matters" at which point I say - what's the point? basically they are having a very small quaker ceremony that doenst require an officiant because she doesnt feel that she needs anyone to sanction it, and while they didnt say it, it seems the only point is to beat the fact that they will be common law married in a couple years. They arent sure they even plan on kids.
Digital Designers
I changed my name when i married because in this small town there are a thousand people with my madien name most related some way some how but my hsbands was uncommon for our location, but i have had my last name for over 17 years now so i'm wondering if I kick him to the crub lol would I have to change it back to my maiden name? in my adult life scince the day i turned 18 i've had his last name no one would know me by my maiden name, can they make you change it? if you divorce them?
Cherry Cola
Jeanne M wrote:I changed my name when i married because in this small town there are a thousand people with my madien name most related some way some how but my hsbands was uncommon for our location, but i have had my last name for over 17 years now so i'm wondering if I kick him to the crub lol would I have to change it back to my maiden name? in my adult life scince the day i turned 18 i've had his last name no one would know me by my maiden name, can they make you change it? if you divorce them?
im not 100% positive, but I dont think they can make you change it. I think a lot of people change it back because they dont want to be reminded of him or associated with him, but I think a lot of people just leave it because its a pain to change it.
Although ive got to say that Im sure it goes the other way, just like I thought it would be weird to change it, now I can't imagine going back... you can't imagine going back but if you did, in a few years you would be used to it and not give it a second thought
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