Information

[FurBaby_Mom]

 We all work for rewards!  It's called a job
  Definitely.  I've never met anyone who didn't bribe - they just dont' call it that.  Eat dinner first and then you can have dessert.  Clean your room and then you can go outside.  Why did doctor's offices give out lollipops after shots for so long?!  Rewarding, bribing...same, same.
 The photo is adorable!!!

[MLee]

I've never met anyone who didn't bribe - they just dont' call it that. 
Eat dinner first and then you can have dessert.  Clean your room and
then you can go outside.  Why did doctor's offices give out lollipops
after shots for so long?!  Rewarding, bribing...same, same.

 

No it's not Amy. It's far different. And now you have met someone who has never bribed their children. 

They had allowances (rewards) for expected things to do around the house. Expectations met = Rewards. Jobs = Payment. That is teaching them about the adult world. Your boss is not allowed to withhold your pay if you're a bad girl or if you don't pose for a photo, only if you don't perform the job that you have been hired for. No job = no pay.

They were never, ever bribed to eat their food, take a bath, have their photo made. They either ate it or it was taken away uneaten. We rarely to never had dessert or "treats" at our house because I grew up fat and know what that does - which is why my kids are thin and I still struggle with weight.

I hear it all of the time in stores, "if you will do this, I will give you that." Phychologists will tell you this doesn't work in the long run. It generally doesn't work in the short run, either, if the behavior in the store is any indication.

I'm not making a parenting judgement call. I'm the one who feels like an outsider. This is all very enlightening.

[Cimorosete]

 Most definitely

[dianagirly]

 We don't generally "bribe" but we do remind the kids that bad behavior equals a time out and that good behavior allows for some time on the Game Cube or something.
But we aren't against bribing them either. If we were out in public in a place we couldn't leave ( like say the AIRPORT ) we would totally let them have rootbeer and suckers if it meant shutting them up! LOL

[naney1952]

 IN this case I would say that you HIRED her to model for you and the pay was the ice cream.

Love your thoughts on it!

[PezKat]

 If long-term results are the issue, feel free to take me as an example.  I'm 41 and my mom says she bribed me all the time!  Still works wonders.   I don't know that she used food though, it was money, or play a game, or something like that.  I've always been motivated by results, whether it's just seeing them (as an adult I *HATE* dusting because it has to be done but you can't really tell, unlike dishes or laundry which I don't mind doing) or getting a reward (Cherry Points, anyone?!).  Now I also had expected chores for which I received nothing; I don't even remember always getting an allowance.  But I did have charts where I checked off things I did, and if I did a certain number of things in certain categories I would earn a reward, allowance, etc.  I was also strictly disciplined and have a very strong work ethic as an adult.

I don't agree w/the definition that if it's set up in advance it's a "bribe" and not a "reward."  Restaurants *reward* children who bring in good report cards.  Extra credit on school projects could be called a reward and that's definitely known ahead of time. 

I think a lot of it boils down to the child's personality type and what works for them - and you. 

[SBcrazee]

 I prefer to call it a sweet deal where both parties benefit

[FurBaby_Mom]

 To me there's a difference between rewarding negative behavior (i.e. screaming in the checkout line for candy) and rewarding a kid for good behavior.  Her kid obliged her by taking pictures.  She rewarded her.  My kid does a great job sitting quietly on the plane.  I reward him.  I guess we're just talking about semantics here.  I'm not going to argue it because ultimately I don't really care!  I think this is/was a lighthearted discussion?  More of a tongue in cheek kind of thing.

[scrap-4-life]

 yup...definitely was meant to be lighthearted!  LOL!

[craftyfool]

   I guess we're just talking about semantics here.

I was thinking about this as I went to pick up my DD and decided the same thing.  I think we're mostly talking about the same thing...just in different words.

And perhaps there are 2 topics here...rewards/bribes and using food as a reward/bribe.

I don't see a problem with rewards and/or bribes and sometimes, to me, they are the same thing.

But I completely agree that food should not be the accepted form.  Not that it can't SOMETIMES be...just not always.

[Kimandasmo]

 Heck yeah-- wait till she is a teenager-- the bribes get bigger!!!!!!!!!!!!

[suslvgeo]

 too cute! and heck yeah I bribe Cole!

[scrappininAK]

 you do what you have to do !! Still haven't found a suitable bribe for Nathan - have to try and catch him on the fly

[nun69]

 I agree....I just told Ben the only way he could go outside and play was to finish his homework and I don't see anything wrong with that...same thing with dinner..if he finishes all of his dinner he gets a little extra playtime either outside or on his Wii...now DD that is 15, she is a WHOLE 'nother story...she actually DOES things FIRST {dishes, clean the kitchen, clean bathrooms, fold laundry, etc} without having to be asked and then asks something as simple as "can I spend the night at so and so's house" or "can I go to the mall with so and so" or just something that she would like to do that normally wouldn't be on the agenda....I really haven't had to bribe Abby yet and luckily she likes the camera  of coarse I guess I have had the camera in all of my kids faes since they were born ....

[wahoo_mom]

 Try not to, but it happens.  Usually it is a matter of doing what is expected of them so they don't lose privileges, doing their chores on a timely basis so they have free time, etc.  Try to follow Montessori's and Rosemond's philosophies.

[ncokely]

 Depends on the day and the circumstances at our house.  We've been on both sides of the fence!  And we still are!!!

[2Bizi]

 So this conversation did get quite intense at points....
But my 2 cents:
I like to think of what I do with my kids largely as rewards but can imagine it can be viewed as either. They enjoy the outcomes of jobs well done and expectations met by  all sorts of things like extra long baths, extra long story times, free choice activities (instead of having to adhere to a set schedule) and the occasional dinner out or food treat out. Some are pre-negotiated and some are random after - the- fact rewards.

Our society is full of all sorts of rewards / payments / bribes for this and that and in the end I feel that if I can just them hooked on rewards that are healthy, soul-filling, non-material then it doesn't really matter. Gosh, I think I bribe myself on a daily basis ... if I can get through this difficult meeting etch then I get to ... well usually it is that I get to scrap all evening without looking at a work-related piece of paper...


Edited to add:  gosh my writing is cheap these days if that was just 2 cents

[2rowdyboys]

 I guess I bribe my kids ...never really thought of it that way...if the eat their breakfast, lunch, and dinner including all their vegetables the can have an evening snack time treat...an oatmeal cookie, apples with peanut butter, peanuts and raisins and occational fruit snacks or a piece of candy. 

If the are good at school (for my 2 yo) or work on their numbers, spelling, or letters (for my four yo) the can earn a quarter for their "jar" which they have to save up until they have enough to purchase their own reward...

If you are good at the car shop then we will eat lunch out at subway, or have a picnic in the park before naptime...if you misbehave we will go straight home for lunch and straight down for naps.

I guess I look at it more as rewarding good behavior...and I do use food as reward for food...eat your healthy food and you can enjoy an occasional treat...

[megamay]

maybe I am just being dense, I am really NOT trying to be stupid or argumentative because this is something I have been thinkign about a lot lately. bribe has gotten such a bad rap, that I hate to admit that is what I do, but I really can't figure out how you can teach good behavior to a small child without using either bribery or threats. I mean, my daughter is almost 3. She doesnt really understand WHY things are right and wrong yet. So, for example, she just knows that hitting is wrong because she gets time out if she does. (I mean, we tell her why, but I dont think she really 'gets' it) So, when she is doing something like picking up things in a store and arguing with me, I see two options - I either tell her to stop doing it because I am going to give her a time out, or tell her if she behaves like a good girl through the whole shopping trip then she can pick out a toy at the end.

(I guess the third option would be to leave the store, but that isnt really an option for me most of the time. Or I guess I could just let her misbehave and punish her later, but that doesnt seem right either)

Now, I choose the bribe.

So, for a teenager, I understand - good behavior is rewarded and bad behavior is punished. But at that point they are old enough to understand right and wrong and to contemplate the consequences before they do the action.

[Mommybruno]

With Xander, it's definitely a reward-for-good-behavior deal when we are out and about. We live an hour away from Walmart and Blockbuster and all the other shopping spots, so we only go once a week. Xander knows that if he's very good while we're out, he stands a pretty good chance of picking up a little toy either at Walmart or the Dollar Store.

But we also follow through on punishments for bad behavior. DH has taken him out to the car and sat with him while he has a time out. And sometimes his behavior at home has been bad enough that we tell him before we even leave for the weekly shopping trip that he's not going to get anything.

Sometimes it's Xander's choice between finishing a video he's watching or reading a book before bedtime - if he chooses to stay up late with tv, no book. It just depends on his mood what he picks to do.

I think this sort of thing is just how a lot of people get through life. For me, it's like - if I wash the dishes, then I'll reward myself with something fun I want to do. I don't think it's a bad thing.