ACOT Message Board

I was looking at the PBS website and noticed that they're doing a show on child brides.  Do you think that this practice is wrong?  Or are we just imposing our Western views on other cultures?  Here are some statistics that they listed:In Southern Asia, 48%—nearly 10 million—of girls are married before the age of 18.In Africa, 42% of girls were married before turning 18.In Latin America and the Caribbean, 29% of girls are married by age 18

Hmmm I'm not sure. I think some of these other cultures' children have a better understanding of responsibility at younger ages.  A lot of American girls want to "act like adults" but not actually be one.It needs to be elective no matter what age. I don't think any girl should be forced into marriage, at any age, wether they be 14 or 40!For those who get married because it is expected or inflicted, my heart goes out to them. It's not even easy when you WANT to be so could you imagine if you didn't want to be?

Hope I don't offend anyone (ok, I probably dont really care if I do on this topic)...but ever heard of the "Irish Travelers"? There are a lot of them where I grew up....wanna talk about child brides....try second grade. They dress the little girls up to look like little street walkers (sorry, but it is sad to see a 6 year old trying to walk around in high heels wearing more makeup than a clown...and I would voice my opinion loudly as to how I felt about it).Completely off the subject but that is just what came to mind.For sure needs to be elective. 

Well, my grandma got married to my grandpa when she was 14 and he was 20.  She had her uncle take them to the Justice of the Peace, and he lied and said she was also 20.  Since she had been running her father's household since her mother died at age 8, she was mature enough.  They have been married 70 years and had 8 children.  I think it turned out pretty well for her. However, alot of girls in our culture today are too immature, just as Diana said.  I think we can't impose our views on other countries, but I think it is terrible to be sold into marriage or forced into marriage.

The feminist part of me hates this practice because the fact is the women in so many countries in Asia and Africa are treated as nothing more than chattel and are not given a choice.  Another factor in this is poverty and lack of education.  The poor and less educated marry earlier and have children earlier.  Even in our country where there is less forced marriage (though you would be surprised how often it still occurs) marriage at younger ages is at higher rates in the poor and less educated.  The same goes for the birth rate.

We can't judge those cultures by our standards. 

Consider that many third world countries do not have the life expectancy that ours does - and that it is part of their culture to marry young. 

Some cultures have girls marry as soon as they start maturing sexually. 

That is a good point, Gloria.  Imagine what those cultures think of ours, with all the teenage girls getting pregnant and not being married!  They don't have that issue, generally.  That being said, it saddens me when women are forced into marriage, regardless if it is part of their culture.

I'm intrigued by the idea of arranged marriages.  I wonder if the divorce rate is any different.  We had some neighbors, from India, and their marriage was arranged.  They were both practicing physicians and, other than that, they didn't have a whole lot in common.

I think arranged marriage is a way to "put women in their places" for rest of their lives.

The Dartmouth student from teh Ukraine that I hosted was totally in love with a student from India - and he with her.    He kept their relationship a secret from his parents because they wanted to pick his bride (as is their custom)    He told her they'd find a way to be together. 

However, his parents told him that he got to choose everything else in his life and they should choose his bride.    He is engaged to a girl from India.........

According to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography the divorce rate in India is 1.1% versus the United States that is determined with a 45%. Even 10 or 15 years ago, divorce was very, very rare in India. It does not mean that these people were all happy or had successful arranged or love marriages but rather that society &  culture does not accept divorce as easily & as a result there are many that remain in the marriage because of face & the family's reputation being at stake. But it seems to be going up in the recent years. I know a few Indians that have been divorced in the past 10 years.  Child marriages is still prevelant in India but only in remote villages. In the big cities, arranged marriages is not as common anymore but yes, it still exists to some extend. 

In other countries, it's much more difficult to get divorced and looked down on.  In the US, we seem to celebrate it.As far as child brides go, I don't care about the cultural issues.  I think it's wrong.  How is that much different from slavery?  I'm sure that girls in other countries are more mature and learn life much earlier and much harder.  But, I wouldn't be surprised if many of these child brides were used for nothing more than sex.  Disgusting.

It's a very "cultural" issue.In under-developed countries, I can see (which is different than AGREEING with) why it happens.  Couples are encouraged to have many children.  They need the children to help in the fields (yes, that still occurs) or to work to provide for the family,  to "live" because  the infant mortality rate is so high, and to "survive" to care for the parents in their old age. So, when the expectation for the female is to bare lots of children - and in a culture where AIDS and other diseases often cause early deaths - the females are expected to start early.  Plus, having many children is a sort of "pride" thing.  Birth control is not as readily available and is often "frowned upon" by the cultures.   While we embrace the marvels of modern medicine, many cultures still hold predjudices.  Two local (Azerbaijan) boys were not allowed to go on the class trip to Tanzania last month with my older son because the kids were required to have a Yellow Fever shot.  The local doctor told the parents that the YF vaccine was not safe and that it would cause the boys to be impotent!!!   These are well-educated, wealthy families................In the US and other developed countries, there is no longer a need for big families.  Medical science has decreased the infant mortality rate and increased life expectancy.  Families seldom need large families to work the fields.  Fewer children die at birth. Besides, more people live in cities where living accomodations are smaller and can't accomodate a lot of children.  And - raising kids is just plain expensive.  Plus - birth control is available.But think of our ancestors.  In general, my g-g-g-grandmothers (and earlier generations) married young - often well before their 18th birthday.  One of my ancestors had 16 children, none of them more than 18 months apart.  Only 10 lived to adulthood.  One of my DH ancestors had 18 children, closely spaced, and ony 8 lived to adulthood. I don't agree with the practice personally - but I understand that the cultural pressures are strong in different societies.

I think the divorce rate is lower in those countries based on it being looked down upon... Kinda defeats the purpose of arranged marriage if you can easily divorce.It is hard enough at times to be married to someone you pick...I couldn't imagine if it was someone ya didn't.Girls that young are usually not mature enough to handle it in my opinion. They may be taught to do the "wife" duties...doesn't mean they are ready.

I'm going to watch the PBS special.  I didn't realize that I taped it (in my ultimate quest to tape Super Why - the VCR never shut off).  I saw a clip of it and a little girl, who was 12, said that she was married at SEVEN!  SEVEN???  OMG.  Her mom was interviewed and said that they were poor and couldn't afford to feed everyone.  I don't even know where to begin....

By the way, when I said that I was "intrigued" by arranged marriages....I didn't mean that I agree with it. I mean that I'm interested in it - for education purposes.

My grandparents marriage was arranged.

Again, a different point of view..think of it that way : girls are not allowed to have  sex (you MUST be a virgin when u get married ), you dont have the freedom of having a boyfriend, if you do have one, you cant go out with him as much as you want, if you do go out , you cant come late bla bla bla million restrictions. plus there is no way you can leave your parents house , no matter how old you are, and live  in your own appartment. so what do girls hope for then ? get married as soon as possible.so its not totally against their will, or that they are forced, they are actually looking for it. ( after they finish high school. most of them join university and marry while still attending classes, or just drop out..but finish high school is also a major point. so you are talking about girls getting married at about the age of 18-20.  One more thing : when you live in poor economic conditions, your aims and dreams in life are limited. You just hope to get the basics , i.e. get married, have a home, raise a family, try to make the money you gain enough to buy food and clothes for ur kids. The bigger hopes in life get lost, you dont think of the career life you want, you are just happy to find a job that pays you. There is no persue your dream, only try to make it through the night.

And on another note ... women are subserviants in more countries than you can imagine.  They are second class citizens and are not given the same rights as men if they are given any at all.    Be thankful for the USA - I mean we still don't make as much as a man doing the same job but I'd rather be here than a whole lotta other places.  KWIM?  Terri