My heart is just breaking.....
Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:33 pm
My parents and my brother arrived from New Orleans last evening - a grueling 10 hour drive (for what should be a 6 hour drive). In spite of the "warnings" from my mom and brother, I was NOT prepared for the condition my stepfather is in.
My SF had surgery just 2 weeks ago to have a pace maker put in. This surgery was supposed to HELP him......stronger heartbeat, more blood going to the brain, increased alertness, etc. Instead - it has destroyed him.
He is 84 and has been somewhat frail for a while - mainly with respect to balance and the onset of very early dementia - but he was still able to get up and around with the help of a cane or walker, follow and carry on a conversation, and go exercise every morning and church every Sunday.
He now is so wobbly that when he can manage the strength to stand - he falls. He has no control over anything and my mother must feed and bathe him and (with my brother's help) get him in and out of bed and in and out of the wheelchair. My mother is exhausted and I am afraid my brother (all of 145 pounds!) is going to hurt himself lifting this 220 pound man.
The change in him in just a few weeks is so dramatic and so horrible. He has lucid moments (and hints of his sense of humor still pop up), but he also has very delusional moments. He couldn't remember Anderson's name this morning - but knew he played the trumpet and so called him "our Harry James."
We will have to see how the storm goes - but if they are still here mid-week, I am going to suggest that we hire some help. Somehow - my mother must get some rest. I think she has something arranged for when they get back to New Orleans, but it's going to be quite costly. But she just can't face the thought of putting him in any sort of home. She wants him at their house as long as possible.
This wonderful man has been married to my mother since 1981 and was a part of our lives for 10 years before that. He "gave me away" at my wedding and is the only grandfather my boys know and is loved by all of us. He is a true gem. Seeing him like this - and the suddenness of it - is just killing me...... I"m just afraid there isn't much time left....
My SF had surgery just 2 weeks ago to have a pace maker put in. This surgery was supposed to HELP him......stronger heartbeat, more blood going to the brain, increased alertness, etc. Instead - it has destroyed him.
He is 84 and has been somewhat frail for a while - mainly with respect to balance and the onset of very early dementia - but he was still able to get up and around with the help of a cane or walker, follow and carry on a conversation, and go exercise every morning and church every Sunday.
He now is so wobbly that when he can manage the strength to stand - he falls. He has no control over anything and my mother must feed and bathe him and (with my brother's help) get him in and out of bed and in and out of the wheelchair. My mother is exhausted and I am afraid my brother (all of 145 pounds!) is going to hurt himself lifting this 220 pound man.
The change in him in just a few weeks is so dramatic and so horrible. He has lucid moments (and hints of his sense of humor still pop up), but he also has very delusional moments. He couldn't remember Anderson's name this morning - but knew he played the trumpet and so called him "our Harry James."
We will have to see how the storm goes - but if they are still here mid-week, I am going to suggest that we hire some help. Somehow - my mother must get some rest. I think she has something arranged for when they get back to New Orleans, but it's going to be quite costly. But she just can't face the thought of putting him in any sort of home. She wants him at their house as long as possible.
This wonderful man has been married to my mother since 1981 and was a part of our lives for 10 years before that. He "gave me away" at my wedding and is the only grandfather my boys know and is loved by all of us. He is a true gem. Seeing him like this - and the suddenness of it - is just killing me...... I"m just afraid there isn't much time left....
Sending you healing thoughts and comfort.