ACOT Message Board

 I had three sisters and a brother growing up. One sister was two years older then me and one was one year older then me. My little sister was three years younger then me.

 I fought with my two older sisters. Mostly with the one that was one year older. I never physically fought with my little sister. This is my way of saying that I do realize that kids fight.

 My kids are three (ds) and one (dd). I can not turn my back for a moment anymore for fear that ds will hurt dd. This morning the three of us were in the basement in the playroom. I turned around for all of five seconds to grab something and ds whipped a plastic train at dd's head. The train had a battery inside and it broke apart (after hitting her head) and the pieces were everywhere. He hit her hard. He threw that train for no reason. She was just sitting there in the middle of the room. She had a small cut on her head and a welt is developing.

 Of course I disciplined ds. He looked really upset as I firmly talked to him however I can't help but wonder if he was only upset at being disciplined not at what he did. I sent him to his room for a long time out.

 So, is anybody willing to admit to having a child that could be cruel for no good reason or is my ds a sociopath?

 

 PM-ing you now.....

 ....AND stealing that smiley!!!

Xander has those days too. I get reports from daycare.

Sometimes he doesn't like other kids even walking by him when he's playing with something, and will push them - sometimes on the floor, sometimes into a cabinet. These instances have lessened lately, and I hope they'll stay that way once he starts school.

All you can really do is discipline, and make sure they know how much they hurt the other person. I think the "just-because-I-can" kind of violence is not unusual in little kids, as long as you crack down on it before they become that kind of grown-up, LOL! Good luck, and hang in there!

 but, your son is only three, I am thinking he really isn't aware of his actions yet, just learning how to be assertive and wanting to have fun

does he watch wrestling on tv?  That WWF?  Does dh wrestle or play rough with him?  He needs to learn that he can not play rough with the girls, especially baby sister.  My ds waws like that when he was your ds's age.  The minute my nice would walk in the door (they were 3 months apart and best of friends as kids), he would tackle her because he was so excited to play.  He wasn't trying to be mean, he just played rough and played the same with everybody until I explained the differences to him;  there was rough play, wrestling and girls were generally not as strong as boys.  I know, its sexist and we want our girls to be strong, but....  That was the only way for a small child to understand it.  Once I had done that, he was fine.

Boys are so different from girls, they like to see how strong they are all the time, its something inherent (lol)

does he watch wrestling on tv?  That WWF?  Does dh wrestle or play rough with him?  He needs to learn that he can not play rough with the girls, especially baby sister.  My ds waws like that when he was your ds's age.  The minute my nice would walk in the door (they were 3 months apart and best of friends as kids), he would tackle her because he was so excited to play.  He wasn't trying to be mean, he just played rough and played the same with everybody until I explained the differences to him;  there was rough play, wrestling and girls were generally not as strong as boys.  I know, its sexist and we want our girls to be strong, but....  That was the only way for a small child to understand it.  Once I had done that, he was fine. 

He doesn't watch WWF or anything like that. There are a few kids shows he likes and that is it. He is not trying to rough house with her. He is very angry when he lashes out at her. She doesn't have to be touching his toys or whatever to warrant his anger. Sometimes just standing near him angers him. It is only with her. He is great with all other kids.

Ma and Cassie, thanks for your responses!

No real advice but sending you {{{HUGS}}}

 Maybe he's just jealous of her since he's the oldest and use to get all of your attention before she came along. I'm just guessing because I know my sister's kids when through that. Her DS would bite his little sister when he got upset and wanted mommy's attention.

 Yup....sounds like some jealousy issues there. I've seen that with my 2 girls too. Just make sure he get alone time with mommy & that you reinforce good behavior. Kids often revert to negative attention. You're not alone. I'm pretty sure every family has gone through this at some point.

 my girls tend to do it more now that they are older then when they little. My youngest is by far the worst-- because my oldest wouldnt hurt a flea. She is always strting things and hitting, scratching, pinching her sister. We are still trying to curb this but it has gotten better the last few weeks all on its own. But she is learning to deal with her emotions better. the one thing I do know is that spanking them does not work!!!!!!! Sometimes, they are even doing it for the attention so although I see it I dont say or do anything and it will stop on its own when they dont get the attention. Hope things get better for you soon.

 My almost 4 year old will totally beat down his older brother but wouldn't ever touch Jasmine. My oldest ds rarely has had any hitting issues unless he was hit first... and even then he rarely retaliates.

So with Gabriel, we are CONSTANTLY having to do time outs, taking away priveledges, and reminding him of the consequences of his actions.

 Ugh.  That's rough.  I think it sounds like a jealousy issue too.  I think spending a lot of "time in" with him one-on-one will make him more accepting of his sister.  He got two whole years of you by himself.  Maybe during baby's naptime you can make cookies with him or do some other positive special things with him.  Hopefully then the issue will resolve itself.

 just this weekend I noticed a big change in dd and ds they are now teenagers when they were toddlers ds was agressive toward his sister we had a few phsyical incdents he cut all her hair off becausehe said he wanted her to be ugly therewas more lot of verbal abuse from him toward his sister. now they are on the same team and mom and dad are the enemy ash dosenot call her bother by name but calls him bubby which i find sweet. but when they were younger i used the whole mommy had to grow up with out a brother or sister guilt trip. i wouldn't worry just correct him when he is wrong and in time he'll be the protecter.

 I spend time alone with ds while dd naps. We do crafts, read and other things that aren't as easy to do with dd around. Dh spends time alone with him at night after dd goes to bed. He also gets one on one time with his grand parents.
 Jealousy is part, if not all of the issue I think.

I feel your pain!! I would have to guess that he is either trying to get your attention or just simply seeing what would happen if he threw a train at his sister's head. Bummer!! But to make you feel not so alone in this sibling fighting world.... my twins, boy and girl ages 22 months are in a very, very tough stage right now and most days I am at the end of my rope!! They are constantly biting each other, taking toys from one another, and screaming all day long. The biting thing is the main issue. My oldest son, now age 5 1/2, never went through that stage so this is all new to me with the twins. I just keep wondering at what point they will stop doing this or end this stage.

Hang in there and hopefully things will get better soon (for both of us)!! My mom told me this the other day; "someday they will be grown and out of the house and then you will miss your babies". She is right, but still doesn't get me through the day fast enough! LOL!!!

 I'm with Shannon.  I think it's the jealousy thing since he is no longer the baby.

 maybe it is a jealousy thing then.  My one sis had three kids, 2 girls, then a boy.  When he was 9, she got pregnant again, and AGAIN right after that.  Now we have two little babies in the house and suddenly Louie isn't mommy's little boy.  You'd think he'd be past that at the age of 9.  Well, he started picking on the little ones, mean things.  He'd lock them in their rooms, in the dark, pinch them hard.  Things like you say with your son.  And he gets in trouble at school, just dosn't turn in hw, gets in trouble, hangs out with the wrong crowd.  Anything he can to get in trouble.  He is looking in any way possible to get some attention because he suddenly went from being the baby in the family to being the middle child.  My sis is not handling it well, my other sis and I keep trying to tell her what the problem is but she thinks she is the perfect mom and housewife and ignores us.  Meanwhile, Louie is almost 16, sneaks out of the house at night, and Lord knows what he does.  I do know he did take one of the trucks (his dad owns a service station in the town we live and where I work at the police dept) and was joy riding.  He tore up someone's yard.  Between me and his dad, Louie got off the hook, just had to fix the yard, he got so lucky.  I had a talk with him after, and he has not done anything like that since  and my son has been spending more time with him.  But, his mom is still in the dark.   


Thankfully you are realizing your son's problem with his sister at an early age  He just needs a little extra reasurance and I am sure you will give it to him and everything will be fine.  You are a wonderful mom, its very obvious to me.  {{{{{hugs}}}}]