Information

[3 Pals]

I am beside myself right now...my DD turned 21 on Friday and planned (against my apporval) to go to Philly to see a show with friends, one of the kids works for the company that puts on the show so they get perks, back stage, hotel etc. She took her old beat up car and now as they go to leave to head home (4-5 hour drive) find out her car is broken! Shakes uncontrollably and check engine light is on - checked the oil not the problem... brought to a Jiffy Lube to make sure and they said she had oil it is somehting else and sent her to an Auto Zone nearby as apparantly they can run a diagnostic test to see what the problem is...great..it is Sunday no garages are open to fix it and classes start back tomorrow (UMASS Amherst)!!! So she and her 4 companions are stuck in Philly!!!! I am waiting to hear back from her to see what Auto Zone has to say...I fear that she will try to drive back regardless and get stuck somewhere worse like on the George Washington Bridge or something!!! I need some brainstorming...any ideas? Has this happened to any of you? Should she attempt to drive the thing back? I am sick to my stomach. I am wrought with fear, anger and worry. I have not layed into her yet but when all of this is said and done..oh boy!

[glo85cam]

My first thought is do not drive the car until it can be checked out!! Her safety is the most important thing right now.

[Retiree3]

I've been there before and I felt like you. I will say some prayers for all of you. Prayers are the only thing that got me through those years.

[Latte_Memories]

Oh the joys of raising children in their 20's. Let's just hope it's something simple like the spark plugs need to be changed. AutoZone can do that for her if it's that. Otherwise, is there a place she can stay until tomorrow when a garage is open? Try to stay calm with her until she gets home and then tell her how you feel about the whole situation. I'll say a prayer for her safe return and that everything works out. Hang in there. These by far have been the toughest years with my daughter.

[beachlover]

First, try to relax! I know it is tough! Pep Boys are open on Sundays, my ds used to be a mechanic at one and his best friend still manages it (we are 20 mins from Philly). jiffy Lubes are not the greatest for techmical issues but yes they should be able to get her back on the road. Make her keep in contact with you and as long as she can get through that heavy traffic safely befoe dark, she should be okay. I will keep checking the MB knowing your dd is nearby in case you need anything! ((((hugs))) and best of luck!!!

[nun69]

If she can't get it fixed today, will it be a huge deal if she misses the 1st day of classes? I think it woudl be better for them to stay overnight and go to a garage tomorrow and get it fixed.

[amberella]

First thing I'd do would be start looking for bus tickets... You don't want to drive that car very far, or in heavy traffic - even if there is only something minor wrong (which it could be!). My main concern is her getting to classes, as many colleges have an "if you don't show up on the first day you get dropped" policy, and it's a female to deal with getting back into classes - especially if it's a bigger school.

How much does this car mean to you/her? Would you be absolutely devastated if it got left there to be fixed? Or would you have someone at home that you would RATHER fix the vehicle? I don't know how many miles we're talking, but getting it towed back IS a possibility...

Hopefully your daughter will have learned her lesson - I'm only 22 but I've already learned to LISTEN TO MY MOTHER. SHE KNOWS WHAT THE HELL SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

[3 Pals]

...Hopefully your daughter will have learned her lesson - I'm only 22 but I've already learned to LISTEN TO MY MOTHER. SHE KNOWS WHAT THE HELL SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

I hope she did too but... she is my third and last and the one to do everything the other 2 didn't (or I didn't find out about). She is a great kid works very hard but does not always think ahead and prepare. She tends to be an instant gratifier and doesn't like to wait to DO something like this concert she could have seen it in Boston but not put on by her freind so she would pay and not get a free hotel... boo hoo...I digress... I knew everyone here would make me feel better - Ann (beachlover) your offer to call on you if I needed was sweet. Auto ZOne said most likely spark plugs or wires but changing the plugs did not help..the car runs barely but they said she might be able to make it home so that is what they are doing. I have been on pins and needles all afternoon. We have tracking on our phones and she made it over the GW Bridge. Not too much further and close enough I would get them if it came to that...I am trying to relax and watch some of the game... I mean it when I say ACOT is the best you all are so supportive and helpful. I will let you know when all is done. Thank you!!!!

[Kara]

Kids

Good luck and hugs

[pawprints]

Oh I am glad she is getting close to home! ((Hugs)) to you. I know you won't rest until she walks in that door. And yes... the teens were bad enough, but the 20s... yeesh! My dd has put us thru our share.

Hope she gets home safely soon!

[beachlover]

Glad she's over the roughest patch and closer to home... now you can start planning you 'talk' Seriously, let us know once she's home safe and yes, this is truly a home away from home (((hugs)))

[1grandma]

Try hard not to kill her! I tend to react in that way, but it won't do any good. Sometimes it is better to just give her a hug and "welcome home safety" then turn around and walk away. Then she KNOWS you are too upset to deal anymore with her. And it sends a powerful message, too. About control. They never stop watching you (the parent) and love it when they set you out of control and love it even more when they see you can control yourself. She knows that you are upset. She is probably sweating bullets knowing that you are going to lamblast her when she gets home. So if you fool her and just welcome her home, say you will talk in the morning when everyone is better able to cope with emotions, then maybe you can get through this without alieanating her. Just a thought. Prayers for her, her friends and you.

[3 Pals]

Try hard not to kill her! I tend to react in that way, but it won't do any good. Sometimes it is better to just give her a hug and "welcome home safety" then turn around and walk away. Then she KNOWS you are too upset to deal anymore with her. And it sends a powerful message, too. About control. They never stop watching you (the parent) and love it when they set you out of control and love it even more when they see you can control yourself. She knows that you are upset. She is probably sweating bullets knowing that you are going to lamblast her when she gets home. So if you fool her and just welcome her home, say you will talk in the morning when everyone is better able to cope with emotions, then maybe you can get through this without alieanating her. Just a thought. Prayers for her, her friends and you.

Well said... thankfully (for hersake) she won't be home-home she will be at her home (school) a little over an hour away from me - so that will help to diffuse things. I have been going over it in my head and thought I won't get into it now but I will let her know. As much as I am relieved I am fuming as she has yet to call me to let me know she made it...knowing how worried I was. I know she is 'home' because we have tracking on our phones, and she knows that so I am sure that will be her argument.."You could see I made it home!!!" UGH!!!!!!!! I find hte lack of consideration, amoung everything else, very upsetting.

[pawprints]

Try hard not to kill her! I tend to react in that way, but it won't do any good. Sometimes it is better to just give her a hug and "welcome home safety" then turn around and walk away. Then she KNOWS you are too upset to deal anymore with her. And it sends a powerful message, too. About control. They never stop watching you (the parent) and love it when they set you out of control and love it even more when they see you can control yourself. She knows that you are upset. She is probably sweating bullets knowing that you are going to lamblast her when she gets home. So if you fool her and just welcome her home, say you will talk in the morning when everyone is better able to cope with emotions, then maybe you can get through this without alieanating her. Just a thought. Prayers for her, her friends and you.

Well said... thankfully (for hersake) she won't be home-home she will be at her home (school) a little over an hour away from me - so that will help to diffuse things. I have been going over it in my head and thought I won't get into it now but I will let her know. As much as I am relieved I am fuming as she has yet to call me to let me know she made it...knowing how worried I was. I know she is 'home' because we have tracking on our phones, and she knows that so I am sure that will be her argument.."You could see I made it home!!!" UGH!!!!!!!! I find hte lack of consideration, amoung everything else, very upsetting.

I'm glad she is back safely. I know the frustration you are feeling. All you can do is hope that someday they see the light.

I tell my dd that I CAN'T WAIT unti she gets her first eyeroll from Maddie LOL! Payback!

[1grandma]

Try hard not to kill her! I tend to react in that way, but it won't do any good. Sometimes it is better to just give her a hug and "welcome home safety" then turn around and walk away. Then she KNOWS you are too upset to deal anymore with her. And it sends a powerful message, too. About control. They never stop watching you (the parent) and love it when they set you out of control and love it even more when they see you can control yourself. She knows that you are upset. She is probably sweating bullets knowing that you are going to lamblast her when she gets home. So if you fool her and just welcome her home, say you will talk in the morning when everyone is better able to cope with emotions, then maybe you can get through this without alieanating her. Just a thought. Prayers for her, her friends and you.

Well said... thankfully (for hersake) she won't be home-home she will be at her home (school) a little over an hour away from me - so that will help to diffuse things. I have been going over it in my head and thought I won't get into it now but I will let her know. As much as I am relieved I am fuming as she has yet to call me to let me know she made it...knowing how worried I was. I know she is 'home' because we have tracking on our phones, and she knows that so I am sure that will be her argument.."You could see I made it home!!!" UGH!!!!!!!! I find hte lack of consideration, amoung everything else, very upsetting.

I'm glad she is back safely. I know the frustration you are feeling. All you can do is hope that someday they see the light.

I tell my dd that I CAN'T WAIT unti she gets her first eyeroll from Maddie LOL! Payback!

That ususally does it! I wish it did not take soooooo very long for them to understand our concern for them. They just don't get it. They only want to be grownup. They think that is independence and never does it mean thoughtfulness, but that is part of what it means.