Information

[JeanellePaige]

What a day! It started off bad. My husband gets home and grills me about the vicodin my Dr gave me. Was mad at me that I didn't tell him I got some. (back problems) The reason I didn't tell him is because he gets mad when I get some because I have had problems with it in the past, got a little addicted to it a while back. He actually went though my purse looking for sh*t!!! Can you believe that! AND the other day he was looking through the history checking up on me! It erased somehow and so that made him think I was hiding something from him. UGH!!! HE is the one who has cheated on me through the internet, NOT ME!! He is such an a$$ when he is tired! I am getting sick of it! So anyways I will be putting my foot down with him tonight. The only reason I am with him is because my parents gave me an ultimatum. They said get him out of your life for good or they are done with me. See, I had kicked hubby out because once again he had 'cheated' me. He was living somewhere else, but coming over and helping me with stuff and the kids. My parents didn't want him over at ALL so thats when they gav me the ultimatum. So, I chose to stay with hubby and move away from my parents. My therapist knows the whole entire story and thinks I made the right choice, the lesser of 2 evils so to speak. Hubby was kissing my butt and being the nicest guy EVER until we moved here and he realized that he got me back, Now it's back to the same old disrespectful crap and it's just a matter of time before he cheats on me again. I am so numb to it that I don't even care anymore.
So, I went to work today and didn't get any of my own rooms. I got to go around to everyone elses rooms and make their beds. I think I made about 70 freaking beds today! The bad part about it is that if they aren't MY rooms, I don't get the tips. So I get to help other people and they get to keep the tips. After work I had to go to my parents house because they are on vacation and need someone to feed and water their llamas. They own a llama farm. So, I did that, and raked up llama poop. That was fun. I get home and hubby is sleeping on the couch and I gave him my paycheck so he could go deposit it so we can pay our rent and he starts yelling at me that I should go do it because HE is tired and did a lot today. UGH! So, got the kids all ready, put them in the car and went to the bank. Got back, no one had mopped the floor where the dog had an accident so I had to do that. No one had done the dishes so had to do that. No one had bothered to throw in the load of laundry, so had to do that. Next it's dinner. Hubby usually makes it but he went to bed so it'll be up to me. I'll make it and then the kids will complain that either they don't like it or they are full and want to throw it out, even though while I am typing they are saying they are starving to death!

I hope tomorrow is a better day! I go to work, I hope I get my own rooms and I hope the tips are good because we're pinching pennies now that I paid rent. Ugh Ugh Ugh!!!

[JulesinParadise]

Can you make it financially on your own? It sounds like your husband is sponging instead of loving. I am far from an expert on relationships but this sounds a bit off kilter to me. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope you find a way out of a situation that doe not nourish or support you.

[JeanellePaige]

Can you make it financially on your own? It sounds like your husband is sponging instead of loving. I am far from an expert on relationships but this sounds a bit off kilter to me. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope you find a way out of a situation that doe not nourish or support you.

Trust me, if I could make it on my own I defiantly would NOT be with him. He killed most of the love I have for him in the 9 years we have been together. He is a slob, acts like a child, is a big baby, is very manipulative, and has even been physically abusive. This is not even counting the times he has cheated on me. I have lost count it's been so much. Not trying to defend his actions, but the physical stuff was only when he was drunk, and if he drinks I bite my tounge and stay away from him. Sounds like I should be on Jerry Springer, lol. At least I keep my kids away from it all. They are well adjusted, polite, and all doing fantastic in school. That's really all I live for now. Them.

[Emsdancemom]

NEVER....EVER hand a man your paycheck. You need to open your own account and pay the bills so that you know that they are being paid. You also need to think about how you are living and if it is worth it.

[JulesinParadise]

I wish there was something I could do or say...some sparkly fairy dust that could help!

[AnnOminous]

NEVER....EVER hand a man your paycheck. You need to open your own account and pay the bills so that you know that they are being paid. You also need to think about how you are living and if it is worth it.

In general that is good advice, but if you are in a community property state like Texas it doesn't matter. If your husband shows up at the bank and wants to withdraw the money in your bank account they will let him even if his name is not on the account. And they won't tell you he did it either. But they will charge you big time fees when the checks start bouncing!!

[JeanellePaige]

NEVER....EVER hand a man your paycheck. You need to open your own account and pay the bills so that you know that they are being paid. You also need to think about how you are living and if it is worth it.

In general that is good advice, but if you are in a community property state like Texas it doesn't matter. If your husband shows up at the bank and wants to withdraw the money in your bank account they will let him even if his name is not on the account. And they won't tell you he did it either. But they will charge you big time fees when the checks start bouncing!!

It's like that here too. The accounts we have are both in MY name, but they give him access to them. One day, while we were seperated he was supossed to stop by and give me one of our debit cards so I can get food for the house. Instead, he went home to sleep and wasn't answering his phone. I thought he took off with the money and wasn't going to give it to me, so I went to the bank, emptied out both accounts and canceled both cards that he had, lol. I wasn't playing around!

[emarie803]

I'm sorry hon (((((BIG HUGS)))))

[1grandma]

NEVER....EVER hand a man your paycheck. You need to open your own account and pay the bills so that you know that they are being paid. You also need to think about how you are living and if it is worth it.

In general that is good advice, but if you are in a community property state like Texas it doesn't matter. If your husband shows up at the bank and wants to withdraw the money in your bank account they will let him even if his name is not on the account. And they won't tell you he did it either. But they will charge you big time fees when the checks start bouncing!!

I hope you are kidding about this.

[1grandma]

Honey, if you do not love him, get rid of him. No one is worth wasting your life over. And if you can get help fromt he state, do it. But get rid of him. You won't always be alone, but while you are with him, you have no choices.

[1grandma]

Honey, if you do not love him, get rid of him. No one is worth wasting your life over. And if you can get help fromt he state, do it. But get rid of him. You won't always be alone, but while you are with him, you have no choices.

[No1Mommy]

Ugh! Sounds like you have quite a dilemma... and for that I am sorry. I know a lady who checked out books about divorcing and all the laws that went with her state (she hid the books well) and was very well prepared for when she left her husband. She planned it out very well. I don't know what to tell you....have you and your dh tried therapy together??

[writerlady]

(((hugs)))

[JeanG]

by Emsdancemom » 17 Jul 2009 16:49
NEVER....EVER hand a man your paycheck. You need to open your own account and pay the bills so that you know that they are being paid. You also need to think about how you are living and if it is worth it.



This is excellent advice, Jeanelle. Sometimes you have to do things you never thought you would - 5 months after I left my ex, I had to sign up for state help - food stamps and Medicaid. I was really angry about it, but it had to be done to feed and have medical care for my kids. The kids knew all about our fights - even when we thought they were in bed sleeping, they heard all that went on. I knew I couldn't let that go on any longer, so I left. My parents helped me - your parents may be there for you again if you leave him; I have no idea because I don't know them. This was what was best for me & my kids; you have to figure out what is best for you & your kids.



You're in my prayers.

[AnnOminous]

NEVER....EVER hand a man your paycheck. You need to open your own account and pay the bills so that you know that they are being paid. You also need to think about how you are living and if it is worth it.

In general that is good advice, but if you are in a community property state like Texas it doesn't matter. If your husband shows up at the bank and wants to withdraw the money in your bank account they will let him even if his name is not on the account. And they won't tell you he did it either. But they will charge you big time fees when the checks start bouncing!!

I hope you are kidding about this.

Nope. Not kidding. Happened to a good friend of mine. If you have a trustyworthy friend you are better off hiding cash in her sock drawer.....

[AnnOminous]

Ok Jeanelle, something just hit me.... you say that your therapist says you made the right decision, that your husband is the lesser of two evils..... your parents must be absolutely totally horrid for this to be true! Maybe it is time for a new therapist......


And yes, I've been sorta where you are before with my first fiance in college (only no kids and a whole lot less baggage). I got back together with him after calling off the engagement. He later developed a big time case of taking me for granted. He just assumed that because I had taken him back once I always would. He was really shocked when I did eventually dump him for good. Maybe there are guys out there who really are grateful for a second chance and do change, but none of the ones I ever gave a second chance to were them!

[jodcold]

I am so sorry for you and hope you are able to find a way to fix your situation.

I don't think it is true that your husband can get money out of your bank in NY unless you have a joint account. My DH and I have one joint account and then we have separate accounts. The bank we have a joint account with sometimes gives me a hassle when I am withdrawing money because my DH's name is the main name on that account (of course I think that teller just doesn't understand the concept of "joint account".

I am almost positive he can't get the money out of my separate account and I can't get $ out of his separate account. You really need to check into this.

[SarahA]

Honey, if you do not love him, get rid of him. No one is worth wasting your life over. And if you can get help fromt he state, do it. But get rid of him. You won't always be alone, but while you are with him, you have no choices.

That's what I say, too. Check into assistance from the state- that's what it is there for- people who need it to get back on their feet. Nothing good will come of staying in this situation it seems. Big hugs!

[gonecamping]

Here is my new motto..kick the b****ard out! Only because I have a friend who is going through the same thing. You CAN do this on your own, thats why we have things like food stamps and HUD housing, for women like you who have a-hole husbands. I had a friend who had a disabled child, no job and her boyfriend of 8 years kicked her out, with nothing. No clothes, furniture ect. She was able to get emergency housing because of the kids. Food stamps and food boxes for a while but she was tons happier and not abused. You may think you are keeping your kids away from it, but they know whats going on. (((hugs))) Jeanelle. Ihope things get better for you and that you at least get your tips tomorrow!

[SBcrazee]

I hope you can find a way & the courage to do what is truly best for you & your kids. Good luck!!